I am me. | Teen Ink

I am me.

October 6, 2013
By 5yydney GOLD, Moreland Hills, OH, Ohio
5yydney GOLD, Moreland Hills, OH, Ohio
11 articles 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I told a stranger on the internet that i was lonely and nothing changed. I kissed a boy with pretty lips and I still felt that hole in my chest. I got drunk at 3 pm and cried so hard I thought I fell asleep in the ocean"

Everything is so hard. It’s so difficult to breathe and smile and live. So hard. My chest is an empty cavity no longer sheltering a living, beating heart. Its frozen and cracked, bruised and torn; shriveled up to a size unimaginable to any average person. These years of wear and tear have taken its tole on me. I am a living dead girl. I am somewhere in between life and death. Limbo. I am a pile of dirt in a garden giving everything I have to others around me. I am sand in the desert being shoved around in a vicious wind storm of life. I am me. Nothing more. The lowest pile of scum imaginable. My skin is torn from razor blades and blistered from the stove top. It is bruised from words unspoken yet seen clearly through eyes of hate. My body is a wilted flower aching from being stepped on one too many times. My petals wilt and fall without a sound. The walls of my building are breaking. Windows shattering. The foundation shaking. My mind is a wreck like a ship lost at sea that will never again be found. I am a wreck. My body is frail, thin, and delicate. A sign ‘do not touch’ hangs around my neck like a noose for if you do I’ll shatter. My bones stick out this way and that. My hip bones protrude from my body like a warning to stay away. You’ll catch my disease. You’ll become another me. No one wants to become another me. With a mind filled with such hatred that a simple innocent look from a bystander will drive me to insanity. The pills I take, the drugs I do, the things I drink are all to make the voices in my head that scream god awful things at me go away. I want to be numb. Numb. Numb. Thats all I’ll ever wish to be.

I am torn. I am broken. I am a weed in the grass. I am nothing more than a sob story. A life gone bad. I am rotten and cold. Spiteful and bitter. I cry no more for all my tears are gone. I am a barren desert. Nothing fills me but dust. I am dust in the wind. I am failed tests and bad report cards. I am the unfortunate character in a play that everyone pities. I am a mouse and life is the cat. I am me.

Please don’t wake me when the day is over. It doesn’t get better. It doesn’t. I’m so incredibly tired of the thoughts that consume me. “You’re worthless”. “You’re stupid”. “You’re fat”. “Die”. “Die”. “Die”.

The darkness is too strong to fight, it pulls me under. Its an ocean of sadness. I’m drowning in it. I can’t get out. I’m sinking, sinking, sinking to the bottom. Time is running out. Its getting darker now. Getting darker...

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