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"Why are you so clueless?" He asked.
I said, "I don't know, Nick, but I don't even see what's wrong."
"You can't see what's wrong?! I just poured my heart out to you, and you say nothing! My feelings are being affected here! Explain that to me, Claire. How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"Don't yell at me!" I screamed, looking at my feet.
"How could you say nothing! I need to know, Claire, do you love me?" He asked, his eyes searching my face for the answer.
I gasped, " I can’t believe you would ask me that!" I screamed at him. He gave me that look that told me he didn’t believe I did. “I don’t know.” I admitted. “I don’t know if i can ever lo-”
“Don’t give me that!” Nick yelled, throwing his pen he was holding, on the ground. “Don’t give me that my-parents-didn’t-love-me bullsh**! Maybe they didn’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t!” Tears streamed down his face. “I love you. But I can’t do it if you don’t love me back.”
“I can’t believe you’re putting me on the spot like this!” I crumpled onto the couch, my knees up to my chin. “I just can’t believe it.”
“You can’t believe it? You can’t believe it.” Nick rolled his eyes, and turned his back to me, his face in his hands. His broad shoulders were hunched over, and I could hear him mumbling to himself. He always did that when he was trying to figure something out. “How could you not know where we were headed? I gave you all the signs. How did you not pick them up?” He looked over his shoulder at me. I stared at the floor, unable to bring myself to look at him.
“Nick, I...I don’t know.” I sighed, tear drops falling on my blue sweat pants. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” Nick picked up his coat and slung it over his shoulder.
“Fine.” He said, coldly. “Have a nice life.” And with that, he slammed my door shut. I heard the sound of his mustang start up, as he drove away. Looking up, I noticed the box. I squeezed my eyes shut, took the box, and threw it across the room.
I didn’t want to see it ever again.
As I look back on that day, I realized how much I did love Nick. And still do. Why I couldn’t tell him I loved him was beyond me. Maybe because it was real. Maybe it was because being with Nick was something I never had before. I know it was because I was scared.
I’d give anything to be with him again. I tried calling him. I wrote him letters. I went to his house. But he ignored me. I would ignore me too. He said that he loved me. And I just stood there, like a fool, not saying anything back. The end was rough. But I wanted- no needed- him back.
That was why I was in my car, driving to Nick’s house, the box in my pocket, and a determined look on my face. This time, Ronnie wouldn’t send me away, saying Nick didn’t want to see me. This time, I would see Nick. And I would tell him what he needed to hear. What I knew now. I could fix us.
Pulling into his driveway, my hands were shaking and I couldn’t breathe. My throat was growing a lump, and I was gasping for breath. I took a shaky step onto concrete, which was wet with snow. With every step I took closer to his home, I got more and more nervous. More and more scared. But I had to believe he still loved me.
I knocked on the door. I heard giggling, and voice from the other side. Nick was with another girl. I should leave. I really need to-
“Hello?” Ronnie asked, smiling, a blond girl hanging onto his waist. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was just Ronnie with his girlfriend. When he realized it was me, his smile faded. “What do you want, Claire?”
“I need to see Nick.” I begged. “Please Ronnie. Just give me a few minutes with him.” Ronnie sighed, and the blondie let go and headed back into the house.
“Ronnie, who’s at the,” Nick stopped short once he saw me. “door.” His eyes were sad as he looked at me. “What are you doing here?”
“Nick,” I pushed my way past Ronnie, my focus on Nick. “I want you back. I need you back. I love you.” He was silent, as tears filled up in my eyes. “Nick please, please tell me you love me.” I pleaded. “I love you. I’m sorry I took so lo-” I was cut off by his lips pressed to mine. It was like fireworks going off in my head. My eyes closed, and my hands went to his hair. He pulled away, smiling at me. “Nick,” I pulled out the box and put it between us. “Will you marry me?” He laughed, and kissed me again.
“Yes.” He said through his tears. “Its always been a yes.”