Just Keep Wearing The Mask | Teen Ink

Just Keep Wearing The Mask

January 28, 2010
By Tomorrow.maybe SILVER, Houston, Texas
Tomorrow.maybe SILVER, Houston, Texas
5 articles 3 photos 31 comments

Are you freaking kidding me?

Nooo. I don’t want to exist. You can’t make me. I won’t do it. I won’t.
7 o’ clock in the morning. Having to cram all the homework, the homework I just could not do last night, here, on my desk, in that classroom, before first period. This work, then more, then more, and more, it never stops, never ever stops. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I do any of this anymore? Why is life so complicated?
Life, like a ferris wheel. One moment you’re on top of the world, all happiness and ready to go, and then the next moment you’re back down in hell again, down, up, down again. I think mine’s stuck. It won’t go up. The ferris wheel. The d*** ferris wheel.

Oh no, oh God no, don’t tell me I left it at home. “I’m checking them first thing in the morning.” The memory of the teacher’s flat voice, ringing in my mind. No, no, no, I can’t do this. It’s too much. It’s just a stupid piece of paper. It doesn’t matter. I won’t cry over a piece of paper. But that’s it. Too much, too much going on, in my head, writhing in my mind, I can’t keep up. I want to break down, break down right now, break down and sob, but, s*** I can’t do that. I’m at school. Where would I go? I can’t go anywhere. And people would see. Then come the questions. No questions. If I get the questions I will scream.
Oh crap, no, someone’s coming. Pretend like you’re normal. Pretend like your life is not messed up right now. Deep breath. Calm. Peace. You can do this. You can.
No. I can’t do it.
But you have to. Just keep wearing the mask. Pretend like you’re not going to break down any moment. Everything's dandy. No feeling. Nothing. The mask. The mask that you always wear. Put that empty smile on. No one would notice. Your eyes show nothing. That tear never rolled down your cheek. It did not sting. It never existed. The. Mask. Keep wearing the mask.

Just keep wearing the mask.

The author's comments:
This was two minutes worth of scribbling on my planner before class on a Monday, so this was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but it pretty much describes how I've been feeling about half the time for the past five months.

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This article has 5 comments.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:21 pm
secrets_of_silence GOLD, Gisborne, Other
12 articles 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
life had i loved the more
had it but passed away
as quietly as the day
ebbs from the darkening star.

-emanuel litvinoff


on Jun. 4 2010 at 3:40 pm
NorthernWriter, Fargo, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 326 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream"

that reminds me of how i feel when it's tough to balance school and life...i'm usually good at that, not to brag, but sometimes, it's just tough. clearly, you weren't writing this for compliments about how awesome your gerunds were or how subtle the alliterations were...good job :)

on Apr. 20 2010 at 4:36 pm
ZebraWithoutStripes ELITE, Blue Springs, Missouri
102 articles 8 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
To make a difference in the world, you have to be different from the world.

oh gosh i feel like this a  lot. thanks for writing what other people just think.

BelmaH said...
on Feb. 12 2010 at 6:16 pm
wow. i really felt the powerful emotions in that piece! it was amazing, and impressive, i just love the way it flows. this is awesome!!!!

on Feb. 9 2010 at 3:47 pm
Drama_Queen13 DIAMOND, Nantucket, Massachusetts
51 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live Life Like A Song."

Wow. That was fantastic! THAT'S what you come up with spur of the moment?! I'm almost scared (in a good way) to know what your stories sound like when you put ALOT of time into them!