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My heart was racing. It was killing me. I sat in a room I did not belong.
The humans spoke to me nicely but I couldn’t feel more alone. I feared I wouldn’t gain control to keep myself from hurting people. I felt helpless when I saw one in pain and I can’t do a thing about it. I couldn’t expose my demonic powers.
I, myself had been in pain for so long but I buried my sadness. The normal human thing to do was to speak of the troubles you were in. I couldn’t speak of what I felt.
I felt love yet bothered by the words spoken by everyone. I tried to make sense of the differences between normal human beings and myself… I couldn’t.
I was a demon who'd been curse with the disability to love.
I felt something… Something my kind did not feel. I could predict The Source’s reaction once he’d find out.
He’d tell me he was extremely disappointed in my actions. He’d feel my weakness. The feeling tempted me and I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t run from it. I was connected. I was attached. I was addicted.
I felt for a human. I felt feelings which could have gotten us both burn alive.
She was a human. I could tell by simply looking at her. She looked strong.
Was it possible she could handle me?
When I first met her I couldn't believe it. My head needed her to function correctly. My heart hunger for her existence.
When I saw her my pupils get bigger and faster. My heart beat faster. It was was killing literally.
I didn't want to name what I felt. This feeling I felt for who I couldn't name would burn in me eternally.
One could almost name it true love. True love conquered fear yet I was the scariest I had ever been.
It was hilarious the way I could not breathe without someone I barely knew. It was weird how interested I was in someone who spoke so little.
She laughed barely. I could tell she was unhappy. She was in pain and yet so brave. My eyes followed her when she moved.
I wanted to live for her only. I wanted to make her laugh. I probably wouldn’t get a laugh but maybe put a sample smile on her face.
Megan's delicate beauty must avoid the sadness. There was something uncertain but possibly fixable about her. There was something about her that did not seem completely human.
Her soul, her blood were absolutely human but her mind and her heart were not. We could be...
She was different from the others. She was unique, unlike the humans I’d met so far. Maybe she’d understand me. Maybe she’d accept me.
I was clearly not one of them. I knew she knew I didn’t belong, everyone could tell. I didn’t act like them but neither did she.
Maybe we could be. It wasn’t impossible. It would be difficult. It would be forbidden by The Source, the underworld and obviously her family.
Did I really want to put her through all that?
I could protect her from my dark side. I could never hurt her but The Source would definitely try to destroy her.
My eyes were widely open to the difficulties but I needed her. I needed her to feel. I needed her to live, to escape my demonic past.
Every now and then my eyes reminded me of who I really was. So I avoided anything I could see my reflection in.
In school I sat next to some very nice humans. They said ‘‘Hi’’ I tried to reply but the word didn’t come out.
I started to think I couldn’t be on earth. It was very difficult. There were consequences. I couldn’t kill. I couldn’t be me.
All my life I thought killing was the right thing. I was still in the process of learning right from wrong in this world. Everything worked so differently.
I had to be extra careful. I was afraid I was going to hurt them when I didn’t even try. Such fragile creatures, humans.
They lived so happily. They had no idea what lived under the ground they walked on.
When I thought of Megan I didn’t feel like a demon. She made me think of all the possibilities. She made me believe I could be a human.
Valley Stream, New York
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