Another Cliché zombie story

I wasn’t the best at trying to not live one giant cliché. I was a basic high school student, I had A’s, B’s and the occasional C. I spent most of the time at my house playing video games instead of doing homework. That is probably why I never got around to enjoying my entire high school experience. Luckily I had enough saved to go to any place around the world that I so desire. I could go anywhere ranging Germany to Hawaii or maybe even Greece. Things were looking good for me and I was an adult with money and a future ahead of me, but then that changed the next couple of weeks, when I went to Russia.
Russia wasn’t exactly my first choice for a location to use my money on, but I met a girl on tinder and decided to hop onto a one-way trip to Russia. The plane was crowded, kids were crying and I was sitting next to an obnoxious teenager that WOULD NOT GET OFF HIS PHONE. Once I landed in Moscow, I hopped off the plane, caught a trip to the nearest hotel and unpacked my bags. On the way to the chosen location, I was caught in horrible traffic, I lost my wallet and the key to my hotel room. Not to mention that my date got food poisoning and ended on a horrible not, BEFORE I EVEN GOT THERE. I had to sit and watch my date until the paramedics arrived and took her away. Once that ordeal was over, I was left with another.. I... got the bill. Apparently Russian Rubles are not on a same scale as Mexican Pesos to US dollars and I ended up overpaying. After leaving the restaurant I walked through the streets in search of my hotel I found myself feeling fatigue and I just sat down and went to sleep .
When morning light came into view and I awoke in a shady alley. I sat up and assessed my situation, I am lost in a foreign country and without the sufficient funds to pay for any living quarters and no way to get back home, my only thoughts.. HOW COULD MY LIFE POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE. Little did I know, that today was the end of the world. A zombie outbreak occurred and I was caught in the middle of all the carnage. However, I was an experienced veteran in zombies, due to my love of movies and video games and the fact that I am the main character of this tale led to my impossible survival. The hope of most zombie enthusiasts, such as myself, would allow some time for the undead to decay. However, being Russia, the weather during the winter, and well the rest of the year,  did not get higher than that of a common freezer, which made decaying a near impossible feat. So armed with a can of corn and a bottle..and a .44 magnum that some poor guy left in his bag, I made my way to find other survivors.
*TWO HOURS LATER* Without a watch, I have forgotten how long it has been since I have had contact with anyone, it could’ve been days, weeks or maybe even months since I have had any encounter with any human, I am of course talking about my life before the outbreak. I am trudging through the forest, I am low on munitions, moral is low and I am almost out of corn. Life has become a living hell and I am at the 7th circle of it. That was the case, until I met Tyler, Sorin and Christian.
Tyler apparently made a zombie survival group with Sorin, his best friend, and his little brother, Christian. They all seemed to be normal gents, but after spending a few months with them, I found out each member had a quirk of their own. Tyler was a leadership type of guy, Sorin was invested in making a ton of Jojo references, I would tell odd stories and Christian.. Well let me just say that he did tend to bring us into danger. For instance, we were out on a scouting mission in order to get more supplies at a local supermarket. Sorin and I were gathering as much as we can carry in our packs. Meanwhile, Christian was at the door insuring that no zombies would detect us and provided a look out. How did we not know to never give a twelve year old a loaded handgun and a whole range of targets to shoot at? Let me just say..it did not end well. First , whenever you task a kid to be the look out, you always gotta make sure that the gun is on safety . Second, you gotta always check if the location that you are scavenging is also being scavenged by another group..I do believe I left the part out. Well an armed group of around 15 people were piling up from every single from corner of the damn place. It turns out that the local militia, the Sons of Apocalypse.  We all shrieked at the sight of all these armed warriors and ran to the back of the store.
Headlights flash through the doors and an engine is head starting from the outside. Tyler heard our manly war cries and proceeded to come in with a scrounge up APC that he had repaired by replacing the sophisticated engine with that of a tractor. Tyler rammed the APC through the doors and what used to be a self checkout aisle and proceeded to go to town on the inside of the market. The opposing forces ran for a while until they realized something. When an APC, that has the engine of a tractor, rams against every object from Aisle 5 to 9, it tends to slow down and get stuck in all of the metal shelves. Without our APC, our valiant hero, Tyler, just waited in the APC and just kept throwing empty Coke bottles at those that would attempt to get near. In a moment of thought, Sorin recalled the unmounted .50 cal gun that we had stocked inside the APC and ran to cover our leader. He mounted the gun quickly and proceeded to mow down a majority of the scumbags before running out of ammo. With all hope lost, munitions had run low, we were left with only one grenade and about three more ‘Sons’ left, Christian made the most daring choice. He ran from behind a pile of spilled shelves and make a beeline towards me. He yanked the grenade from my hands and proceeded to run with it. A loud OOOOOOH NOOOOOO can be heard from Sorin in the background and Tyler watching in horror as his brother was running head first into danger. We all yelled him to stop but his last words were,”DON’T WORRY GUYS, I GOT US INTO THIS MESS AND NOW I AM GONNA GET Y’ALL OUT OF IT.” Tears swelled up in my eyes and as I yelled out , ”Another goddamn cliche.” As the story ends I must bid a farewell, but not without the twist. You all thought it was the Sons of Apocalypse that were the villains,

but it was I,

MAXIS.

A small smile creeps up my lips as I shot my teammates, laughing as they all dropped like prices during a Steam sale. With that said, I rolled the dice...and got a 1. Goddamnit I hate Dungeons and Dragons.

Hugh Jackman on a Plane

7:41 AM [LAX]
Click Click Click

An assistance was at the airport terminal typing away at her terminal computer. It was a calm Saturday afternoon. She called everyone to the boarding station on the flight to Chicago Illinois and once everyone arrived she began to check everyones boarding pass. The line went smoothly until he came.. “Excuse me sir, where is your boarding pass?” The man looks up and says ”Well I am bored so let me pass” The assistant looks with a concerned look that looks really concerned“I am sorry sir but without a pass you cannot get on the plane” and if you do not leave the terminal then I will be forced to call security.” The man lifts his hat and says,”I the great Hugh Jackman shall leave you alone then.” Hugh Jackman runs away into the deep reaches of the airport.
After a few minutes of wandering around Hugh Jackman went to a starbucks down in the airports main building. He ordered a tall non fat latte with a caramel drizzle. After waiting for a while for his pipping hot drink he decided to buy a donut from the starbucks. After he paid the cashier asked Hugh Jackman if he would like it in a bag or on a plate. Still wondering how he will get to Chicago Hugh Jackman looked out the window to see a trolley full of suit cases. The barista asked once again,”Sir would the donut in a paper or a bag” Without looking and concocting his plan. Hugh replied with “Bag it...”

After a few minutes of scarfing down hot coffee Hugh Jackman lept into the trolley. The trolley went on to the runway where a line of boeing 737 short- to medium-range twinjet narrow-body airliners developed and manufactured by Boeing Commercial Airplanes in the United States. Originally developed as a shorter, lower-cost twin-engine airliner derived from the 707 and 727 were all aligned in perfect formation. Hugh Jackman managed to make it into the lower deck of one of the planes due to the carelessness of the luggage carriers. The plane rolled up its landing gear by the time that they began to notice their mistake. “Do not worry boys I will not convey this bag to the authorities.”
The cargo in which Hugh ended up in was crammed full of bags ranging from all walks of life. He looked through a few of em before realizing that there was a small hatch in the ceiling of the room. He used the luggage to make a makeshift staircase and proceeded to climb into the isles. The plane was cramped but he manage to find a seat that was near any sick passengers crying babies and middle age singles. Once he got cozy he began to dooze off.
[30 minutes later]
As the plane reached its normal altitude a group of terrorists arose from their seats and proceeded to scream “Hands up everyone this plane is getting highjacked!” Hugh arose his slumber and seat and replied with “Well youre high and Im jacked man!” Close behind an attorney lawyer arose from his seat and shouted “I shall not stand for this!” He then proceeded to sit back down. Confusion swept the cabin followed by unnecessary conversation. One brave soul asked the terrorist leader where he was from. The leader proceeded to monologue,”I was born in a small village in Rus...” He is cut off by another figure standing in the middle of the isle. It was none other than Ewan Mcgregor! 
One passenger spoke up,”How many celebrities are on this plane!?” Ewan replies with a straightforward answer,”Two as of now but there wouldve been Samuel Jackson but seeing as this is a Pg-13 story and his presence wouldve been a great cliche he was excluded.” “Now I say we get on with this shindig and proceed to rid this plane of the filth and provide more horrible puns” A great brawl broke amongst the cabin and lots of more puns came around as Ewan anticipated.
The emergency door was opened by Jackman and Ewan Mcgregor saw his opportunity and threw the Russian terrorist out the emergency exit,”It looks like USSR done.” Meanwhile Jackman looks at Ewan with disappointment,”Ewan puns are my thing stick to unnecessary input and occasional fourth wall breaks.” “Everyone’s a damn critic.” said Ewan. A stewart looked at Jackman with a concerned look,”The doors of the cabin shouldnt be able to open that easily due to the pressure how did you manage to open the door with such ease?” Hugh begins to flex,”Well I am Hugh Jackman, and these are my Hugh Jackedhands.” Now to proceed and finish of this fight.
As the fight was coming to an end a small boy spilled his card decks into the isle. Hugh picked up the cards,”Looks like its time to level the plane field.”Staring at the leader in the eyes. Hugh Jackman readied his cards,”Now its time to d-d-d-d-d-d-duel.”“Uhm Jack, it appears that we are out of gas,” said Ewan Mcgregor. Hugh Jackman looks at the terrorist,”looks like we are out of f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fuel.” The commotion caused the air marshal (Who was asleep for plot purposes) to awake from his slumber and point his gun at Hugh Jackman,”Please dont para-shoot me.” The leader was tired of these sick jokes and games. He said with pure rage,”Ya know what I will just throw myself out of this damn plane. These jokes are starting to annoy the hell outta me now.” The leader then turned to the exit and jumped out.
The plane was set on a course of a 45 degree nose dive and proceed to plummet back down to the ground at a rate of 500 miles per hour. “It is over Jackman we are losing the high ground.” Hugh Jackman looks Ewan Mcgregor in the eyes.”Why are you grinning at me like that Jackman?” Hugh Jackman says with a dignified look”You underestimate my power.” Ewan looks at Hugh with distaste,”We are plummeting to our deaths and you think that this is a joke!?” Hugh responds with,”But Ewan we are now logaining altitude now.” The plane is later revealed to have an autopilot and the reason why it activated so late was due to the fact that Hugh Jackman accidentally pressed it when he made his horribly timed star wars reference.
But when it all seemed calm after the landing at the airport it was revealed that one of the terrorist was still aboard and they were waiting until the plane landed to take down Hugh Jackman. “Its over Jack I now got you right where I want you.” Hugh standing next to an EMT picks up his clipboard,”I have terrible news sir the results are in.” The confused terrorist asks,”What are you talking about?” Jackman replies with a solemn,”It appears you have cancer.” The terrorist was now shocked,”I-Is it bad?” Hugh slowly looks up,”ITS TERMINAL,” he says as he threw the terrorist into the airport terminal.
[THE END]

The tale of Randy Randerson


Randy was at the top of his game in school. He excelled in every course except physical activities. What he lacked in strength, he made up for in his brilliance. He was a very patriotic young man and he had high respects for those in the armed forces. Little did Randy know was that he was going to be forced to join the military due to tensions rising between the United States and Russia. But his fiancé Sarah was against the idea of him leaving. “You don’t have to serve in the military Randy. You can stay with me and my family in the countryside.” Randy pauses to collects his thoughts. “It is too late...I have already been drafted into World War 3...I will be shipping out in the mornnnning.” Sarah continues to hold onto Randy’s arm, “Randy..you don’t have to go. You can stay and hide from the draft and avoid going to war. Please..I don’t want to lose you.” Randy proceeds to speak after a brief moment of silence. “I.am. sorry.Sarah..I.love.you.. But I also love a lady known as Liberty...and her twin sister, Freedom.” With a final goodbye, and a sense of pride as high as his IQ, Randy Randerson heads out to Parris Island.  
[6 months later] 
“Day 60 in the combat zone, morale is low, supplies are decent and I wonder how long I am going to be stuck in this godforsaken cold.” Staff Sgt. Martin comes up behind Randy and pats him on the back. “Cheer up Randy, we could’ve been stationed somewhere else..Like Russia?” “Staff Sgt. Martin we are in Russia…” Staff Sgt. Martin takes a look around, “I thought we were stationed in Greenland... In all honesty I think they deployed me in the wrong region. But at least we have a pretty well stocked armory and a few good soldiers.” “Staff Sgt. Martin, we were pushed back so many times that we ended up leaving stockpiles behind to cover our escapes. Also, a majority of this Battalion is running on no morality.” Biting his fingernail Staff Sgt. Martin mumbles under his breath,“Wow..we are really scraping the bottom of the damn barrel here.” “Look at the bright side sir. It could be much wor…” Randy is cut off by the screams of a a group of random soldiers running his way. “Finally, we found some of our men! We finally did it!” Staff Sgt picks up his rifle and yells, “State your name and battalion or we will fire on you!” The unknown soldiers put their hands up and proceed to walk slowly towards Randy and the Staff Sgt. As they were within a fair distance one of the soldiers shouted, “Apologies sir! I am Jed Forrest from the South Carolina Combat Regiment! And I have me a few good ol’ boys from the second battalion before it was wiped out by opposing forces.” Staff Sgt. Martin takes a long look at each and every soldier and inspects with caution. “What’s in the canister and how many more of you are there?” Jed looks at the canister in his hands, “We brought these to burn down any abandoned campsites to prevent the enemy from getting a few goodies. And as for the last bit of soldiers that are scattered I would have to ask Jim.” Jed looks into the small group and yells to the soldier in the farthest corner of the group, “JIM! How many more men we have scattered around!?” A shout is heard from the soldier in the back. “‘Bout a few!” Jed turns back to the Staff Sgt. and replies with, “‘Bout a few.” Martin looks at an empty building in the distance. “Well boys, it seems like we are going to have to spend some time rebuilding.”
[2 months later]
“Sir, the camp is running out of munitions and we keep losing men to the enemy. We have no other choice than moving to a new spot” The Staff Sgt wipes the sweat from his face. “Look Randy, it appears we have a few setbacks and I know what I must do.” “And what must you do?” “I must do this mission on my own with my own squad. We will take point and secure the area. I want you and the rest of the men to join us after we send Jed back here.” “But sir…” “And Randy give me a promise that you won’t keep us waiting.” 
[2 weeks later]
The fire was starting to smolder and the winter was intensifying. Randy sits in the middle “It’ll be fine guys, Jed will be here eventually and we can meet up with the Staff Sgt again. Look, here he comes” Jed runs through the field debris. Randy gives a smile, “Jed! I see you are here in a good condition so I assume that Staff Sgt. Martin is ready to join him?”  Jed tries to catch his breath “ I-I-I am sorry Randy. Staff Sgt. Martin’s squad was ambushed at the battle for Kaluga over two days ago. He’s gone, Corporal Randerson. We have no one left to lead us through this conflict…” All we have from him is his cigar case. Randy looks at his rifle, “Then I’ll do it. I am our only shot at succeeding.” Jeb grips his rifle tightly, “If you insist..I also say that you get his cigar case. After all, you were his favorite.” Randy grabs the lighter and sets it in an empty pocket on his molle vest. “We head out at 24:00.”
[24:00]
The attack is an immense success. The Russian forces were caught by surprise and they are all forced to make a hasty retreat. Jeb Forrest and the rest of Randy’s men took the lead. This battle is sure to send the entirety of World War 3 into a full 180 for the United States. However, during the initial assault, Randy caught a stray bullet to the chest and he is clinging on to life. Randy looks from the ground to the clouds of smoke and after small pause he then takes one last look into the night sky. “I am sorry Sarah… I won’t be coming home after all...” With the last bit of strength that he could muster up, Randy gets up and pulls out a cigar from Staff Sgt. Martin’s case and proceeds to take a long drag. “My ears are ringing; my friends are dead and I have nothing left to back me up. Good grades and a positive attitude didn’t get me pretty far. But at least I can face my death like a true soldier and die knowing that we succeeded.” Randy falls down to his knees. His vision begins to darken and he proceeds with his to say his farewell to the world. And with his last words, Randy lays down and slowly closes his eyes. Once he opens his eyes he is greeted by a dark silhouette. Randy knows who this dark silhouette is and gives a smirk. "Kept you waiting, huh?”