As he fell he couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been. Years? Months? Days? Minutes? He even wondered if he was already dead and if this was his hell, to fall for eternity down this dark hole. How did he get there? He tried to remember, to hold onto his humanity, his existence.

He thought all the way to the beginning, to his first memory. Sand. Waves. He could remember the beach with his family. That was all, it was so long ago it was fuzzy and distorted. He tried to keep going. Fast forward a few years, now he is in a classroom. He remembers nothing of the teacher or the subject just the girl in the corner. Her auburn hair, piercing green eyes, her defined figure.

Even further he sees her all in white, a smile from ear to ear, her hand in his. Then her voice rings in his ear full of hope and promise “ I do.” That voice. As he continues to fall that voice stays in his ears. Early on he remembers a house, big and new. He remembers cutting his hand, her cleaning it. Kissing him, softly saying with that voice “All better.” 

Now, this once melodic voice is wailing. She screams, as a less distinct voice yells “Push!” He sees the girl again soaked in sweat, tears rolling down as she holds this cold purple lump in her arms. It is motionless. They lay it in the coffin. They lay the coffin in the ground.

Forward even more the girls hair is now streaked with grey. Worry shows in her face now in wrinkles. Bills in her hands, she sobs when she thinks he is not there. He goes for help, to stop her crying and her worries. To see that smile once again. He finds men, they have guns. Their voices call as one sound “loan.” He visits with promises of paying back. The girl is relieved but she does not smile, she does not know.

Not very far forward now, the girl comes to him. She hands him the papers. Tells him she can’t hang on, tells him she needs to start over. He loves her so he signs. He can’t think anymore. He remembers the depression, the sadness. He forgets to pay. He remembers the running, the men chasing him. His ears ache with the sounds of the gun shots. He remembers the pain in his back, at least five shots. He falls over. Hits the ground. Falls through and keeps falling.

He has remembered. He begins to cry as he falls, missing her. He brings his hands up to wipe his tears from his cheeks. He notices his hands in that instant and begins to wonder again. He has no wedding band. He has no scar. He feels his back and it's bare. Completely smooth. Who is he really?