The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion

This article has 476 comments. Post your own now!

darkangel09 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:28 pm
I agree! it's so screwed up! wonderfully writen!
taylorbee233 replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 11:34 pm
i really feel like im you when i read this. You're vivid wording makes it great to understand your pain! keep writing!!
PoetLaureate07 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 6:22 pm
THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE A WONDERFULLY CREATIVE TALENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE... WRITE MORE!!!! jus dont let the guys get 2 u... like u sd 4m ur journal.... tell em 2 grow up && move on...
BaileyBaby13 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 5:59 pm
i loved this. it's so honest and i agreed with every word. 5 stars,(:
optimisticpessimist said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Thanks for writing this :) You put into words something that's so common and that evryone goes through. Please check out my work, i'd appreciate it much.
Macx14 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 4:28 pm
I think this kind of thing has gone on in every young girl's head at least once if not several times. It's easy to relate to and that's wonderful:D
faeriesdescending44 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 2:18 pm
i like how you mix the fake problem with the real deal. and its so to the point, its just like here it is, take it or leave it. love it!
Whatever.Nora said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 11:43 am
This is really good, so blunt and I love the tone, it's real.
AeroAsh87 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 11:12 am

I think this peice is amazing!  Perfectly amazing actually.  You make writing look so easy.  I love how you make me feel like I'm right there beside you, looking at you, and feeling what you're feeling.  The best part about your writing, is that it can be so dang serious and emotional but then you add a bunch of humor.  I LOVE THAT about your writing.  Keep writing and never give up.  :D


Babylufin said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:41 am

I liked the combination of epidemic's. The whales, the anorexia, the fake 'beauty', the heartbreak. I liked it all. Actually, I loved it. :)

Please take a look at my work? :D

Sammmmmmmm said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 5:48 am
wow.! that was impressive.!
Jessie9048 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 12:53 am
Hey. I commented because I don't want to make an account. Anyway I'm sad. I need a hug. I was hurt physically and emotionally. I am crying. I need a hug. Please repl yto my comment. This isn't a thing that says if you don't reply you will die. I am a real girl. I did get hurt. And I want a hug...... Please reply it'd mean alot to me............... :(
Ebonykitty replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 1:35 am

Dreams are the base of everything in this god-forsaken world. And when dreams break you can't help but cry; on the inside or out. But the best part about dreams? You can always dream more.

So dream higher, and bigger. Cuz life always has it's way of working its self out for the best.

I don't know if this has anything to do with your problem, but maybe it gives you something to think about at night instead of whatever or whoever hurt you.


~ Ebony ~

Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I don't think I could've said it any better myself, Ebony :)

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body."  :)

Good luck with whatever you're going through!
elle_la_vieluv said...
Jul. 21, 2010 at 11:08 pm
i loved it, so many girls feel that way!
ohreallyy25 said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 3:13 pm

LOL. Love it.

I don't usually sit down and read an article that has more than four sentences to it, but this one is a keeper :)

madmadie22 said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 7:22 pm
LOL!!! I love this; this is by far one of the best I've read!  Great job!!
Eilatan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 6:44 pm
This is SO GOOD! i LOVE the emotion behind it, the writing voice, the personal touches.... PLEASE write more, tell the story behind the excerpt, i NEED to know how this all hapened. If this was the sneak preview of a twenty dollar book, I WOULD BUY THE BOOK. this is PHENOMENAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poet_in_Motion This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I totally agree with you; if this were a book I'd buy it in a heartbeat. Please keep writing!!!
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Some people suggested you expand on the entry - but I don't think you should. This piece is really strong and open/relatable as is. Love it! Check out by stuff?
Hippiechick10 said...
Jul. 6, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Amazing! The character seemed so realistic in her story, staying true to life.
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