The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 22, 2009
I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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nannerrr. said...
Dec. 29, 2010 at 11:59 am
This is my absolute favorite! I love it(:
JustToBeQuiet said...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 4:07 pm
I love this! It's funny and easy to relate to. I look forward to reading more of your work.
P.S. Guys are idiots. :)
NothingButAli This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 17, 2010 at 11:46 am
You Know what? Great Journal Excerpt! (: Keep it up
PaintedRocks This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 16, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I absolutely love this! I can feel you in it so much. I love how you mix the whole thing together so well. Wait... now I feel like I'm talking abou tsome kind of meal. You know, like you followed some recipe and I'm congratulating you on how well you followed the directions. But this is original, amazing, and completely your own.  Your writing is an inspiration to me!  It makes me want to sit with my journal for hours! Great job!
<3bubblez said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 9:14 pm
OMG i love your story. good job
musiclover94 said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 7:55 pm
This is PERFECT. I'm so sorry someone broke your heart and that you feel like you need to "paint yourself pretty". I don't know you or anything, but I'm absolutly positive that you're gorgeous all on your own. I know because that's what your writing says about you. Your personality so real, it's awe-inspiring. Keep writing, one day, I'll be buying one of your books off a shelf at Barnes and Noble.
brunett97 said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 6:59 pm
great story. i side with you. i dont feel the need to get up at four in thr moring just took go to school looking like barbies sister.
Camille C. said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Seriously, I love this. I mean, you really did capture some great feelings on that page. Makes me want to type up some of my journals and send 'em in. And I adore how you describe the guy as a "stupid XY". I am totally going to steal that, Okay? Okay. PHENOMENAL.
blackveilbrideschickies said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:32 pm
First off...I love this. I dont know how people think its funny though. What this girl describes is NOT funny whatsoever. Its real. 100% real!
Novelwriter14 said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Wow, I love your train of thought! Its very similar to the way many of my friends think, its refreshing to know that there is someone else who could care less about makeup.
soletsdance said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:11 pm
i don't know how people are saying this is a funny piece. It brought tears to my eyes. That's me, right there in your article. wow.
Samammoth said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 5:03 pm
i love how raw and real it is(:
katiikat said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I love this! It's great dry humor. Keep writing!
CiCiShabree said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I really liked how you worded things seriously and were funny at the same time! Great article
bluejeans428 said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 1:05 pm
that is a really intresting view lol you made me laugh i really needed that so thanks so much and everything and it sreally good!
funnybunny said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 11:11 am
awsome u really should keep writing!keep up the awsome work!
RedMapleLeaf said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 10:39 am
Loved it! I could totally relate!
evaine said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 10:02 am
that makes me sad.  shouldnt there be a protection law against that kind of stuff?? your piece was very real.  I really like it. :)
steph95 said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 8:21 am
amazing really!!!! LOVE IT! :D
QueenOfQuirky said...
Dec. 7, 2010 at 8:06 am
This is just really amazing. I love it! :)
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