I looked at my callused fingertips. It sat there, looking at me. Speaking to me. I opened my mouth and placed it on my tongue. The odd taste was there, like many other times.
Everybody cheered. It’s not like I knew all of these people either, but they all knew me. “Jack! Jack! Jack!” With a swift movement I fell to the couch.
“Jack, you took that like a champ,” Aidan sat next to me, handing me a red cup. “Here,” he said to me, “drink this. It’ll speed it up.”
“Not sure I believe that,” I replied with a slight tone of humor in my voice. I sipped the drink, even though it wasn’t really my style. If you were going to fit in at a party, you couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. I blinked, and colors soared through my mind, like splatter art. The reds and blues created a line of purple. It was forming a drop at the bottom of my imaginary canvas. It fell and splashed on the white floor of my mind. Ripples of purple glided over the white, creating a new picture of lavender-like tones mixing.
“Jack.” My eyes swung open with a creaking noise, sort of like a wooden door.
“You ok?” Aidan asked me, and I could’ve sworn I had said yes to him, but he asked me again, and again, and again. His words created sentences that formed midair and flew into my ears. It tickled, but I didn’t mind. I looked at Aidan and he frowned at me.
“I’m alright.”
He laughed at me. I had forgotten that I was at a party, until the music found its way into my ears. “Just another s***ty pop song,” I thought. The bass tingled through my toes and up my legs. The soundwaves shot into my ears, they glided through that snail thing that no one really remembers learning about that’s in the 3rd grade textbook. 3rd grade, huh?
I stood up when the couch looked a little hungry.
I fell right back onto Aidan and my life flashed before my eyes. He caught me and helped me onto the couch.
“Are you okay enough to come outside with me to get a cigarette? Cause I sure as hell am not leaving you in here,” Aidan said to me.
“Can you repeat that?” I replied.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch, but it felt like my body was still immobile and my head was floating. Head floating away. Body not moving. I looked down at my body and realized that I was okay. Everyone gave me odd looks, and I stumbled my way outside with Aidan’s help. There were some laughs thrown at me, but it’s okay cause I caught them and threw them right back.
We got to the front yard and sat down on the grass. The grass was so green, and when I said to Aidan “Do you see how green the grass is?” he gave me a strange look. Aidan had his cigarettes out already and he pulled out a lighter, he lit a cigarette that was between his lips. The end burned a bright red. He exhaled this plume of smoke that surrounded me. The smell of the foul smoke had creeped into my nose and I coughed at the slight inhalation of the gray cloud. It dissipated into the air.
“Why do you smoke those?” My vocal chords shot out the heavy words like cannon balls. They floated into Aidan’s ears and he replied.
“Why do you do anything you do?”
“I guess that’s a good question,” I blubbered out. I wasn’t really paying attention to anything he had to say to me. I grabbed the cigarette from his hand and brought it to my lips. Before Aidan could even protest, I had started to take a drag off of it. It tasted like dead plants. I threw the cigarette on the ground and began to cough my lungs out. I probably sounded like a dying seal, but it didn’t matter. I really wondered why he did smoke these. but I guess everyone’s gotta keep a secret.
Who really was Aidan? I mean I had known him since 3rd grade. That story still floated around in my mind somewhere.
It was the first day of 3rd grade, and all the little devilish children rushed into the school as soon as the door opened. Every child was eager to meet their new teacher. I walked through the front door, more excited to make friends than become the teacher’s pet. The smell of bus exhaust filled my nostrils. I coughed and blew out this cloud and gave the cigarette back to Aidan. Wait no. I coughed and walked to my classes. The teacher eyed me down as I walked in. Another long year of school, gosh being a kid was so hard. There were name tags scattered across the desks. I found mine in the very back. Jack W. Teachers who alphabetized their children were my worst enemy. I sat down and placed my book bag next to me. It sank into the ground and melted right in front of me. No, it didn’t. When I grabbed my pencil and notebook off the ground, I realized that I wasn't the kid in the very back of the class. There was some kid behind me, named Aidan Z. He wasn’t here yet, and considering class was about to start, he was probably late. I judged him to myself. Late to class on the first day in third grade, tsk tsk.
Around snack time, Aidan finally walked into class. He had this look on his face like “oops sorry forgot we had school.” He sat behind me, and I tried to spark a conversation while I was munching on my Goldfish. God were we such children. He quickly rejected anything that I had to say to him. I wondered if I had ever thought that I would be dropping tabs with a goofball like Aidan. I took him rejecting me pretty harshly. He sat right behind me so he would have to talk to me eventually. Just a matter of time.
At recess, I sprinted out to get a swing. I sat on one, and grabbed the one next to me to save it. I saw Aidan run towards the swings and all of them work taken. Time for bribery.
“Hey, you want this swing?” I shouted towards Aidan.
“Yea, I do,” he spat at me. “What do I need to do to get it?”
“You got any friends?”
“No, don’t need any.”
“I bet I can change that.”
And that was it. We talked on the swings. and he found out that I wasn’t all that bad. Me and Aidan were inseparable by the end of the year.
“I’m sorry I forced you to be my friend.” I said to Aidan slowly.
“You didn’t force me.”
“I bribed you with a swing.” I giggled after saying this and the hahaha’s blast out of my mouth and scattered across the earth.
“I mean yea, but it would’ve happened eventually. It doesn’t matter. We’re friends now, and that’s what matters.” Aidan always had a way with words. A way that just made me feel like everything would be okay, even if I knew that was not the case. Aidan knew how much he meant to me, but I don’t think I could say the same for him. He knew how to make me feel alright, but it was no use for me. I couldn’t help him. He never came to me with real problems, but I had been loading all of my s*** onto for more than eight years. Eight years of my first world useless problems. Problems he had to deal with. Dealing with me. Everything I had done to him was a burden. I was a burden. Why did he even like me? Why should he put up with me? What did he do wrong to get stuck with me? Why? Why? Why?
I stood up, shaking slightly, Aidan gave me an odd look.
“Where are you planning on going?”
I stared at him.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I ran my stupid mouth. My stupid lips smacked together in unison with my stupid tongue to make the stupid words that came out of my stupid face. I ran away from him. I would just hurt him. My stupid legs ran. My stupid ears turned off. I couldn’t hear him yelling for me, but I knew he was.
Why did I do this?
Drugs.
Drugs.
Drugs.
I was so sorry. I was so sorry. I wasn’t sorry.
The street was long and windy. I couldn’t tell where I was. I didn’t want to know where I was.
I found a path that led into the forest. The forest was dark, and lonely. I missed my friend. Tree. I saw a tree. I ran to the tree. I hugged the tree. The tree was the only friend I needed. I didn’t think I could hurt the tree. A bright light flew through the bushes, through the bushes. It hit me, burned a little. I blew a gust of wind to push the light. I was protecting my new friend.
His arms wrapped around me. Safety. I felt his warmth. He really did care about me. He did.
“It's gonna be okay.” He held me.
“I know,” I breathed.
He hugged me, I knew who it was. I didn’t think he would come for me.
He knew what to say to me, like always.