Something happened to NY, a bombing of some sort, maybe terrorist, I don’t really know. I remember being with you and us running but you got lost somewhere so I decided to go to your house to see if you went there. I get upstairs and it's me, your mom, your grandma, your uncle, and two cousins (one male, one female). I sat on the couch waiting for you to call me saying that you were down stairs.
I don't remember how much time passed but you eventually called and told me to go downstairs. I was so happy yet panicked that I ran down all 14 floors of your building to the front door. You were laying there on your back facing the sky, your left leg was completely missing all the way up to your hip, your right foot was gone, and so was your right arm. You were telling me to pull you into the building "Help me, pull me into the building, please, pull me in!" you said it in a low voice like you couldn't really speak. I grabbed your left arm and started to drag you in, you kept yelling in pain so I let you go.
I didn't want to hurt you anymore, but you continue to tell me "keep going, I'm fine, I'll make it!" I picked up your arm again and pulled you all the way to where the metal part is of the door that stops it from swinging from back and forth....as I pulled again, your head slid right off your shoulders and the back of it was missing, you still told me to continue to pull you inside but I couldn't, I just couldn't anymore, I didn't know how. How is a sentient being supposed to do that, make someone feel an immense amount of pain, being human just wouldn’t let me. If I would've picked your face up off the floor it would've been just your face and that's all. You were crying to me, I don't remember most of what you were saying but I remember hearing you crying and begging me to take you inside but I couldn't. I remember you eventually asking me to call your dad so he can come pick you since I couldn't do it. I had to make the hardest decision of my life ever.....I left you there (just thinking about it, makes me want to freaking cry).
I eventually got back up stairs where everyone was going crazy about something but no one asked me about you. I called your father but I don't remember how the conversation went but I remember him distinctly saying "and I was going to pick her up from school too and take her to prom" he was extremely pissed. He looked like a late 50's to 60 year old white man with white hair and was getting into his black car (although he never showed up upstairs I was still able to see him some how). I just couldn't get my mind off of what happened, I felt so guilty, I couldn't fathom what I just did, it was terrifying. I remember pacing back and forth, sitting on the sofa, then standing again and vice versa till I eventually found a spot and didn't move anything but my leg.
Your female cousin came up to me and was like "WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED TO HER, WHERE IS SHE, WEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO GET HER!?" I remember wanting to kill myself right then and there but I said ".....I couldn't grab her, she's downstairs still...." Your cousin starts going off but not really loudly and is scrolling through her phone, just talking to herself. She says that I'm an asshole for leaving you there alone and that something can happen to you, I'm tired of hearing her s*** so I snapped "YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! ALL THAT WAS LEFT OF HER WAS HER FACE! YOU WANT ME TO COME UPSTAIRS JUST HOLDING HER FACE HUH!? DON’T YOU THINK THAT IT F***ING HURTS THAT I LEFT HER THERE LIKE THAT! SHES LYING THERE BECAUSE OF ME, ITS ALL MY DAMN FAULT!" Your cousin gets up and walks away, I don't cry but I'm feeling extremely guilty. I didn't tell anyone what happened, I didn't want to cause anyone any more harm.
Here's where my memory gets patchy, I remember being drowned in sadness. Your cousin eventually comes back and asks where I'm going to sleep for tonight, she shows me your grandma's bed which is in the dining room now for some reason and I tell her no cause your grandma sleeps there. Your cousin goes to the actual kitchen where your mother and grandmother are and I'm just sitting on the sofa still. I look over to my left to where the TV's at and I see it's calling your phone, your contact name is on the screen and I remember saying "omg it's calling her, no no no, hang it up, please" I almost end up crying, my lip starts to quiver but I get up and press end. I walk over to the computer and just stare at it for a minute then I go to Facebook. I search for your name and go on your profile, sadness starts to overcome me and I'm starting to get super depressed and guilty. I start searching your name up on some sight and I look over to my left and I see your mom cooking and your cousin pulling clothes out the washing machine, she says to herself "I'm perfectly fine, I'm not gonna think too much about it, it's okay" I look back at the computer and I'm still on your Facebook account and I click your profile picture and I start thinking about how much I love you and how I would've given anything to switch places with you, and how you make me smile and happy all the freaking time, and how I wanted to spend my whole life with you and how we had just barely gotten started with our lives and how my life isn't going to be the same with you, I wouldn't be able to just move on, I'd have to tell people the love of my life died in my hands and there was nothing I could do to saw her, I wouldn't ever be able to love another woman like that ever cause they wouldn't be you. I remember thinking "I can't cry here, I have to be strong for her, I'll cry somewhere else on my own time" I remember thinking about going downstairs but knew your body would be gone...I couldn't help but think that I had never expected that to happen, life simply wouldn’t be the same without, you!