My Infatuation



“My name is Rose and I have an obsession problem. I obsess over someone named Charlie. I can’t describe the feeling. Maybe I could say obsessed, or maybe it’s a feeling of deep love. Whatever it is, I can’t get over it. All I can think about is Charlie. But, I know it’s not really love. I watch and stare but I don’t want to scare him. I want to date him, marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I constantly check on Facebook and Twitter just in case something in his life has changed. I follow behind him, making myself silent. Without a sound I see, know and hear all that is going on in Charlie’s life. I go on the computer and log into Facebook so I can go to my Charlie’s wall to like all of the statuses and pictures he posts. Then I go to the likes section and like everything he did. I found out my Charlie’s passwords so I can know everyone he talks to and view the conversations. It wasn’t very hard finding out his password. All I had to do was watch him through the window as he typed it in a couple of times and I figured it out.

Soon enough I know all of my Charlie’s classes, what he does and where he goes. I know everything about his life. I daydream about Charlie and all the time I wonder what it would be like spending the rest of my life with him. It’s all I want. It feels like Charlie doesn’t even know I exist. But still, I will get what I want.

I told some of my friends that I am stalking my crush. They laughed at me. They just don’t understand how serious this is. I am always thinking about us. I smile just thinking of Charlie. I now realize how much time I sit on Facebook just staring at his pictures and status. It’s all I do anymore. Today, someone told me I was creepy. I hate my friends sometimes because they don’t understand anything. So I do what I can, I ditch them. They were holding me back from my dreams anyway. I am beginning to think I might be at least a little creepy. No, it’s not creepy. I mean is it really creepy to follow, take pictures, Facebook and Twitter stalk someone that doesn’t even know who you are and that you are madly in love with them? I don’t think so. I put pictures up of my infatuation all over my house Just pictures of random things like eating, sleeping and basically everything else people do o a daily basis. I did that so it seemed like I am living with him. So as the day goes on, I can go from picture to picture to change what “we” are doing. As I look at each picture, all I am thinking is how much we are in love.

I am wondering now if my dreams will ever come true. What do I need to do to make this work? Charlie and I need to spend the rest of our lives together or I won’t know what to do with myself. I wake up extra early to look in his window and watch my love wake up. I want to see what he is wearing so I can match to make us look good together. I spend so much money on clothes he would like. I am starting to think that I don’t want to be with Charlie as much as I want to be Charlie.
That night, I think about it so deeply I make a decision. I go to his house, my house, our house. I have a key to the house I stole off his key chain. I open the door and go into the living room; I know my way around the whole house. I am standing behind the couch and I see two people on it. That’s weird, I thought Charlie was alone. I look to the left to his parent’s room and they are gone. I get really scared! What if they come up the stairs? I quickly and quietly go to the couch. I smile. I know that tonight will be the night to climb into my new skin. I get my knife ready to kill them. They are sleeping so I am happy. I will finally get what I want. I look around one last time. I go for the other person on the couch first. I freak out and run up and stab whoever she is. She screams with pain and wakes Charlie. He immediately pushes me off her and I hit him as hard as I can and run out. I go back to my house which is just across the street. I sit looking out my window so I can see his house. The cops and ambulance come. The entire neighborhood is woken up by the screaming and the sirens. People are flooding into the streets except me, I would, but I can’t. I’m covered in blood. Cops are going door to door talking to people. I don’t want them to come and talk to me. They will know I did it. I was dark and I’m sure Charlie didn’t see my face. I wash my clothes and take a shower. I hope they don’t find out it was me. If I go to jail I’ll never see my Charlie again. I am so scared; I have no idea what I should do. I just try to fall asleep but all I can think about is what I did. She deserved to be stabbed! No one goes near my Charlie except me. If I can’t have him, no one else can either. The feeling of stabbing someone was so gross it gives me the chills. I hope I didn’t kill her. I only wanted to hurt her. You know, I just wanted to show her who was boss and to let her know she can’t do stuff with my Charlie.
I wake up the next morning and look around. Everything seems to be back to normal. I look out the window and see Charlie sitting in a chair on his driveway. I am going to talk to him. I need to know how he is feeling. I walk over to him and ask him what happened last night. He said someone tried to kill him and his friend. In the most surprised, shocked voice I can make, I said, “How awful and terrible that is.” I don’t know why I did the next thing I did, but I dropped down and hugged him. He seemed a little uncomfortable and then what he said next surprised me. He said, “I know you are the one that did it!” I backed up in fear and said “You’re crazy; I have no idea what you are talking about. I didn’t do anything!” He ran back into his house and I ran into mine. I hid in my bedroom in fear. What will happen if he calls the cops? I will be in so much trouble.
The cops soon showed up at his house. Oh my gosh! He did call them and now this will be the end of me! I quickly take down all the pictures, all his clothes and other things I’ve taken from him. I hid everything in a garbage bags. I know not to throw it away in case the cops check the trash. I decided it would be better hidden in my basement. I know it’s not the time to sit and day dream about how everything would be once this gotten straightened out, but I couldn’t help but think how the basement would be a nice place for Charlie to live. Anyway, I go back upstairs and the cops are at my door. I let them in and they begin to question me asking where I was last night, what I did, was I with anyone. I lie and tell them I did homework and went to bed early. Then they ask me if I heard anything last night and I say I slept through the whole night and it wasn’t until this morning I found out from Charlie what happened. The cops believed my story, thanked me for my help and left.

Next week I see Charlie is being taken to a mental hospital. I think it’s kind of ironic. I’m the one who should be going to the mental hospital and he should be staying at home. Oh well. All of a sudden I realize if he is in a mental hospital I won’t be able to see him and then I get mad at myself for what I have done. I drove him away by my actions. I begin chucking or throwing things across the room and scream as loud as I can.
I have to think of something that will keep my busy until he comes back so I go the basement and make a room for Charlie. I make it identical to my room. I don’t want to sleep there, but rather decorate for him. I took all my Charlie items out of the trash and hung them around the room. The walls I’ve painted his favorite color. Everything matches perfectly. I even shopped for new clothes and other things he would like once he returns.
Charlie gets released from the hospital and returns to school. One day I see him and he says, “Hey, um Rose, I am really sorry about the other day. I was just so stressed out and scared.” I just say, “Its fine. I totally understand how you feel. It’s like I can feel just what you feel.” Then I smile and walk away. At lunch, like always, I sit close to him so I can hear what he is saying. He starts talking about me to his friends and says how creepy I am. I start twitching and going crazy inside. It’s the first time he’s made me mad like that. My friends are telling me to calm down and I scream as loud as I can “How am I supposed to be calm? My life is over!” Everyone stops talking and turns around to look at me. My friends or should I say ex-friends, pick up their trays and walk away. My head and shoulders hang down and my face gets red. I hate my life!
I don’t know why but I am on my way to the Police station to turn myself in. I walk in the door and I am so scared. I am nervous and shaking. The officer at the front desk asks how she can help me. I pause for a minute and say “I did it!” I start to cry and repeat it over and over again. “I did it, I did it, I did it!” She asks, “Did what?” and I reply, “I stabbed her.” The officer looks at me with a blank stare like she is in shock and does nothing. I jump over the desk and begin to choke her. Other officers ran over and threw me to the floor and I am quickly handcuffed. It’s the end of all I have ever done in my life. They went to my house and found all the evidence they needed to lock me up and put me in jail. Now I am here talking to all of you fellow inmates about my problems.”