Manager on watch


“I apologize for the wait, one of our staff’s arms fell off.” I stood straight, my hands neatly folded behind my back and smiled at the table of two in front of me.

“This happens every time.” The blond closest to the window sighed, rubbing her temples.

The second, who was sitting opposite of the other, also a blond, looked very confused, “Arm fell off? Wait you’re not telling me that actu-”

As if it were scripted one of the staff walked past, and the second blonde's mouth dropped open, “Ohmygod”

When I was a watcher I got that lots of times, people just didn’t believe that they could be trained- the zombies that is. I guess as acting manager of The Undead Cafe I’d get that a lot more.

“Excuse me,” I flashed another smile and walked to the front of the house.

Sally, the head waitress, stood by the front, “Hey, Nosffs, how’s the new job treating you so far?”

“A lot better then making sure zombies don’t eat the customers, even though I’m kinda still doing that.” I shrugged, “I hate to say it but I hope Eddie doesn’t come back.”

“That’s mean,” Sally elbowed me, we were close. Like brother and sister almost. Then Sally dropped her voice, “Do you actually believe the crap about him winning a cruise to Alaska?”

“Hey, maybe he actually got lucky.”I whispered back.

Before Sally could say anything else, Thriller began to blast out from the speakers.
“Hey, why don’t you go dance. I’ll watch the front.”
“Thanks.” Sally smiled unhappily at me and went to join the waiters in the dinning room, dancing to Thriller. It was a tradition started by the guy who opened the Cafe, unfortunately he was eaten before I started working. I would’ve loved to meet him.

One of the watchers ran into the kitchen throwing open the double doors.“Nosffs! We’ve got a problem!”
I ran after him back into the dining room. The room was filled with the screams of customers and the moans and groans of the undead. Who all seemed to be advancing on one table.
“Get everybody out and call the ZCU.”
The getting everyone out part was already in effect, as a mob rushed past me towards the door. The best course of action every time was to stay calm, wait till the ZCU showed up.

“Honestly, like I told ya guys the last time, usein’ zombies as busboys ain’t a good idea.” The head of the Zombie Control Unit told me as he filled out his clip board, “But ya never listen.”
“The cafe brings in enough money that closing for a few hours every month isn’t a problem,” I recited what I had heard Eddie tell him before.
“Just wait till someone gets bitten and you’re facin’ a billion dollar lawsuit, buddy.”

I watched waiters come in with orders and watched watchers escort their zombies out of the kitchen with food.
In my mind the zombies were more of an attraction, they didn’t do much. They had jobs like busboys, but they were always followed by watchers. And were always falling apart.
The dead decomposed so quickly when they’re moving around. If it wasn’t an arm falling off, like this morning, it was a finger-
“Nosffs, we got a thumb in the soup of the day.” A watcher told me ushering his now thumb less zombie into the kitchen, “Wanna go apologize to table six?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I straighten my tie and brushed off my pants, walking back into the dining room and moving my way to table six.
“Can I keep it, Mo?” A little boy with black hair asked, holding up the zombie finger.
“No. Ew, Zack put it down.” The girl sitting across from him made a face, “If you become a zombie your dad’ll kill me.”
“Hi I’m the manager, Fred Nosffs, I’d like to apologize about your soup.”
The boy, Zack, held up the finger to me, “Can I keep it?”
“Would you like a box?”

“Nosffs!”
I held back a sigh, answering complaints was getting old (like everything else in the place). I hurried to the head chef by the freezer, “What is it, Bucky?”
“One of ‘ems stuck.” He pointed into the cold wasteland, “And you know Steve doesn’t like going in there, anyway. He’ll never go in now.”
“I’ll get it. Give me a second.” I left Bucky to go find the watcher who wasn’t watching.
I found Bobbie out back having a smoke, “Nosffsies are you coming back to us low watchers?”
“I need you to get your zom out of the freezer.” I told him, frowning at his nickname for me.
“Jeez, I can’t keep Nick outta there.” Bobbie smashed the cigarette out against the side of the building, “Maybe he liked ice cream or som’thin’ in his past life.”
Bobbie joked pushing past me and into the cafe, I would never get why he named his zombies.

Sally slid up to my side while I was talking to a few of the diners, asking them how they’re dinner was going.
“Nosffs, we’ve got a problem up front.”
I excused myself and followed her back upfront to where one of the other waitresses was trying to keep a man calm.
“Sir,” I said taking over “How can I help you?”
“Well, you’re the one with the zombie infestation. I’m here to help you.” He told me, “I’ll clean out the place for a very low fee.”
Half of me was confused, the other half wanted to laugh. “Sir, this is the ‘Undead Cafe’, we’d like to keep our zombies.”
“That’s what they all say.” He leaned in close, dropping his voice, “Till they turn on you.”
“Well thank you but no thank you.”
“If you say so.” He took a step back, and pulled out a card, “If you ever need me give me a call.”
I took his card and the man left. I didn’t even bother to look at it and deposited it in the trash can. “What a nut. Huh, Sally?”
“Maybe not a total nut, Nosffs.”

“Have a nice night, guys.” I said waving to the watchers, the waiting staff and most of the chefs. It was nine o’clock and time to go home.
“See you tomorrow, Nosffs.” Sally smiled as she walked past.
“See you.” I smiled back. Wishing for opening time already.
I locked the door behind her and headed to the kitchen, the light was still on.
“Anybody still back here?” I called.
“It’s in the freezer again.” Bucky said, walking out from around the corner wiping his hands on a rag.
“Seriously?” I couldn’t believe it, what was wrong with this one?
“Yeah, should we just lock it in?” Bucky asked
“Nah, we can’t leave it with the food. I’ll get it to the basement.”
“Alright, Nosffs. G’night.”
I walked to the freezer and into the chilled air. A moan came from the back.
“C’mon here you.” I made my way towards the noise. It was harder to see towards the back.
Finally I laid my eyes on the rotting flesh of the zombie in the back. Walking over and grabbing it’s arm, I pulled it, moaning and groaning, from the fridge to the kitchen. From there I brought it to a door tucked away in the back. Pulling the small ring of keys from my pocket I unlocked the door, and pulled it open. I shoved the zombie down the darken stairs into the basement, following till the bottom. I used another key to open the last door between me and a room full of brain eating zombies.
I’ve done this before, as a watcher. Brought zombies down to the lock up. But this time when I opened the door a pair of familiar but undead eyes looked back at me.
“Eddie?”
“Bbrraiins.” He reached out for me along with a million other pairs of hands and I was pulled into the room.
Guess I’d be the next one winning a cruise.