Dear Whoever, why ever, whatever, 

I cried in pain and sorrow for days and nights. The tears just ran down my cheeks, continuously. All I ever wanted was to make everyone happy.  Somedays I tell myself, you can’t always please everyone. Most days I listen to myself. Other days, I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. More times than not, I feel like I only have myself, and it sucks. I believe I have a shitty relationship with both of my parents, but they seem to believe that I’m just a teenager and “mom and dad aren’t cool anymore.” No, that’s not the case. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about anything, I get short, shitty feedback, I don’t feel like my parents are very approachable. It honestly feels like I have both of my parents against me, even if that may not be the case.

I go to school, day after day; days just seem to drag on forever and ever. But here I am “just living the dream.” Not a day goes by where I wish my older brother was still with us. The one person I knew I could always depend on, that would always protect me, be my shoulder to cry on, give me the best advice, but also pick on me like all siblings. As I sit in my room most evenings, either doing homework, listening to music, scrolling through social media, or even talking to my very few friends, I feel so alone, nobody to keep me company, nobody to help me with homework when I have questions, I refuse to ask my parents, and nobody to give me advice when something is really aggravating me. 

But tonight, my heart broke, I felt every single crack, big and small. I felt like I was punched in the gut. Here’s what happened. For weeks I’ve been trying to figure out the perfect way to reach out to my dad and tell him about this boy… The boy of my dreams. He and I have been friends for the last two years, now we’re more than friends. I have always been extremely hesitant to tell either of my parents about a guy, especially one I like. I am mainly more afraid of dad than mom. Tonight was the night I break the news to dad. My stomach has been in knots for hours. 

I told him… 

Fu*k, that didn’t go anywhere near as planned...