Blackbird singing in the dead of night

My eyes stare at the seatbelt in the car next to me, cold metal shocking the skin on my bare shoulders. It looks back at me with a warning of what would happen if I do not allow its harsh fabric strap to restrain me, and cut into my skin within the seat of this potential deathtrap.

                                                                                 Take these broken wings and learn to fly

I allow my arm to touch the buckle, a facade of child-friendly plastic coating the frigid metal with which I will react to, as is dictated by the human nervous system. Against my better judgement my arm clicks the buckle into the seat, with a pop that would be satisfying if I were aware of it.

                                                                                                                            All your life

Shifting the car into drive, with minimal resistance from the humming vehicle keeping my barely aware body company, my foot presses down on the gas pedal and the car begins to proceed. The wheel turns, in which direction I don't quite remember, my hands manipulating this movement without my consent.

                                                                         You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Tracing the stitches in the dark leather steering wheel I am sure is not sourced ethically, I stare ahead at the empty expanse of nighttime road, and think about what somebody is going to have to tell my parents when I get home. I notice lukewarm droplets on my face that I believe are tears, although I’m not sure what crying feels like anymore.

                                                                                      Blackbird singing in the dead of night

My eyes take a glimpse into the rearview mirror, but I don't recognize the gaze of the dead blue ones staring back at me. The boy I'm sure cannot be me stares back, seeing nothing. His eyes, vibrant at one time in his life, betray no warmth, whirlpools of frigid, murky water one would get lost in and never come back.

                                                                                 Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

The car slows down, or maybe my brain does, as I my arms maneuver it to the edge of the linear road, the chasms on either side pulling me nearer to their warm embrace.

                                                                                                                           All your life,

The words I can finally understand lull me to sleep as I close my eyes, and succumb to the pull.

                                                                    You were only waiting for this moment to be free.