Ryan Reynolds Solos The Universe | Teen Ink

Ryan Reynolds Solos The Universe

January 26, 2023
By Anonymous

He awoke in a cold distant place. 

¨Where am I?¨ It was the fabled Ryan Reynolds, had just returned from a long slumber after his battle. This battle, or war, fledged on for centuries among many different landscapes. It started on Earth and went throughout the entire galaxy and even through other dimensions. He fought many adversaries but there was one he simply couldn't get past, God. Not just any God but the one everyone believes in, the Christian God. Reynolds died and tried to get past God and be reborn but this caused some conflict. God casted him away and that's what started it all, this story was caused by Reynolds trying to be reborn after death and God simply didn't let that slide.

 He was sent across multiple dimensions and landed in the third dimension, there he met some friends but mostly enemies. He happened to be one of the most important and sought after people in the universe. He was known as ¨The God Killer¨ because of the amount of immortal beings he slayed. He had a very large bounty on his head but no one could beat him yet. There was one other person that could genuinely put up a fight. But it wasn't even a person. It had no gender or face. It was the embodiment of death, The Grim Reaper. Ryan had one job, to get back to his universe and kill the one that sent him here, God.

He was in a town called Percaset and had one mission, to find the sacred obelisk and sacrifice himself to be teleported back into his dimension, the first, but for that to happen he would have to get past many foes including Death. As he wandered around asking the townspeople if they had seen anything out of the blue he had his first encounter with it. 

¨Hello, Reynolds.¨ Amidst a dark cloud Ryan saw him, it was Death. 

¨Why are you here?¨ Ryan demanded.

¨I am here because you have cheated me¨ I have not cheated you of anything! You have actually, you have taken something from me that's very important, your soul.¨ Reynolds was beginning to feel anxious, scared, and even cold. This monster could control some of your emotions and it always brought a sort of plague along with it. A plague of sadness yes, but also a literal plague. Many people were already looking more ill by the second. Reynolds knew he had to get it out of there but he couldn't move. He was stuck in place, he was scared. Death swung at him with a fist nearly missing Ryan´s nose. This awoke him and he began to fight back. Ryan swung and hit Death with two blows to the face and one to the stomach. This attack didnt even phase Death but he began to see why Reynolds had one of the highest bounties in the universe. 

¨No more games Reynolds¨ Said Deathas he began to unsheath one of its katanas and sliced the air right next to Reynolds. Before he could even react to the first attack he felt a sensation on the left side of his arm. Ryan screamed out in pain and looked over. His hand had just been cut off. He looked over to where his hand used to be and the sheer sight of it almost made him faint. He turned to run. Once he hit the tree line he turned around and saw it standing there. Death looked back and sheathed its katana. Death had let him escape for a reason. It wanted to toy with him until his breaking point where it would finally give him the relief of death. 

Reynolds was in great pain and was bleeding everywhere. He had to find a doctor but the only one near was mad. Mad doctors aren't like normal doctors. They help people by attaching other parts of other beings, species, or even robotic parts. Reynolds ran in and ordered the doctor to help him immediately but the doctor wanted payment first. 

¨400 universal currency or no deal¨.

¨Take your damn money.¨ Ryan said as he threw it onto the table beside him. The coins clanged onto the table and the doctor was happy enough to begin working on him. Mad doctors used no anesthesia so the process was very painful. Reynolds was awake the entire time and eventually fell asleep because of the sheer pain. He awoke and was tied down. He asked the mad doctor what he was doing. 

¨Some of you go crazy during the process so I gots to tie ya down to make sure ya don´t go psycho on me!¨ Ryan agreed to let the doctor hold him down for a short while longer because he wasn't sure of what he was capable of. After about twenty minutes he released Ryan´s restraints and he was able to finally escape. Ryan finally got to get a good look and feel of his left hand. It was the same as his old one but it was metallic and definitely stronger. It also had some other abilities like a pulse blast out of the palm as well as a small flamethrower. Reynolds started to wander further into the forest and finally found it, the sacred obelisk, but there was something standing beside it. Reynold´s second encounter with Death was much less frightening. Reynolds was ready this time. Death wasn't playing around though, it pulled out both katanas and swung at Reynolds. As it blinked, Reynolds sprinted, flipped over it and stabbed it in the back with the blade protruding from his left hand. Death fell over and disappeared in a cloud of smoke but its robes remained. Ryan Reynolds was now the Grim Reaper. He was the new Death.

Reynolds finally landed on Earth in the first dimension. He began to look around for the one that messed everything up for him. As he turned around he felt the presence of a great being. He followed that and finally found him, God. Neither one of them spared anytime, they both started sprinting towards each other and their attacks clashed. Reynolds was using his swords and God was forming his ethereal energy into a blade. The blades clashed together and sparks blew off of both; it ended up blinding Reynolds in one eye. He was already in a losing game, but now he was off even worse. Reynolds had one more trick up his sleeve. 

¨GRADUATION!¨ Reynold´s screamed. Nothing happened for a few minutes but then he heard him. 

¨I wanna go to the moon. Don´t leave so soon. Don´t leave so soon. How could I get through?¨ The spell worked. It was Kanye West. He teleported from the moon and started singing his songs which were similar to spells and very painful to listen to for immortal beings.

¨What is that melody?¨ God screamed out in agony. Reynolds saw his opening and took his chance. He stabbed God through his heart and he fell to the floor. 

¨What are you doing? You can't kill me.¨ God yelled.

¨I can and will.¨ Reynolds said as he revealed one of Death's katanas. Reynolds then swung at his neck but God blocked the blow. Reynolds unsheathed the other sword, this time he connected with his neck. God's head tumbled to the floor, his entire body exploded into a small cloud of golden dust. Reynolds thought the fight was over but God manifested behind him almost instantly. He used an ethereal blade to swing at him connecting with his side. Reynolds was in great pain but had to fight for just a little while longer, so he called upon an old friend, Arnold Shwarzenegger. He called upon him and he came through a portal of lava with a loaded machine gun. Arnold started spraying and praying rounds towards God in an attempt to get him away from Reynolds. It worked. Once he turned around and lost his hold on Reynolds for just a few seconds Reynolds stabbed him through his last heart to finish him off. Reynolds plan worked and he thanked Arnold and Kanye one last time before they departed from the battle. Reynolds walked off and laid down on the grassy green plains and looked off into the distance.

¨God is dead and we killed him,¨ Reynolds said with his last final breath.


The author's comments:

Ryan Reynolds is hot.


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