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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 1974 comments. Post your own now!

Aliyah W. said...
Feb. 24, 2009 at 2:26 am
Hello, this is a great poem. Keep up the good work! I loved how you threw in "birdie"!
 
ManateeMe said...
Feb. 24, 2009 at 12:59 am
It was good just work on it
 
katie said...
Feb. 23, 2009 at 2:15 pm
I REALLY LIKED THIS POEM!
 
Ewraith said...
Feb. 23, 2009 at 12:19 am
Wow i really liked it. But i agree that you should use a little more imagery. Question... How do i post my stuff
 
Rebecca A. said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 11:40 pm
I really like the rhyme of this. However, I think you can improve your writing by using "brand names" and more visuals. Imagery is your best friend, in my opinion, but abstraction is very interesting, too. I think you just rest on the cusp of these two writing tools. If you revise to push your poem in one direction, I think you can really make this an awesome pice. It's still good right now!
 
JillianHale said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 9:56 pm
hey, i really enjoyed your writing. i believe you are going to be a very successful writer someday. :]
Check out my stuff:

1)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/84313/The-Unveiled-Truth/

2)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/84315/Darkness/

3)TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/84317/A-New-Beginning/

Please and thank you :D
(leave comments...hopefully good...)
 
oruga101 said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 6:34 am
I mean this in a constructive way:
1) The meter is inconsistent
2) The rhymes are forced
3) The image is not clear

I think if you worked on these things, it could get a lot better, but right now, I'd give it a 6.5/10
 
mohawk461 said...
Feb. 13, 2009 at 6:52 pm
great poem! yet agian im going to respond to what samuel said... the use of captilization is not important in this piont this is site for teens to express their feelings and quote on how the world around them is in which case this results in poetry. The use of captilization can very well be encripted as something used to emphazise a word or phrase, in any case keep on writing and ignore commets such as those. This is the only way you will keep going and express how you truly feel. great job...
 
best man said...
Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I liked this poem because the kid wanted to swim but you would not let him and then he wanted to fly i like that
 
The Violist said...
Feb. 13, 2009 at 7:53 pm
This amazing, I really felt the disappointment in the last stanza, it was just a vibe, and the tone was amazing!
 
Mr. Happy said...
Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:11 pm
That is neat. it's like you're stuck to walk in his footsteps, and you can't do anything too unexpected by him.
 
MeggEllo said...
Feb. 12, 2009 at 10:31 pm
I think your poem is great. You used great words, but you also arranged them in ways that made your point. It's pretty brilliant.
 
Doesn'tCapitalizei'sEither said...
Feb. 9, 2009 at 2:44 am
I agree with "Thoughts." Capitalization is important but I often use it to emphasize. Just because an "i" isn't capitalized doesn't make the poem bad. It's called a poetic license people.

I loved the poem itself. It was deep and I liked the sort of irony that the title brings. Overall wonderful poem
 
Thoughts said...
Feb. 8, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I completely disagree with Samuel (his post below). Capitalization is very important in poetry and by not writing "I" in capitalization it made it more powerful.


Posted by Samuel (Below)
I feel disgraced. You're all supposed writers or literary fans yet you abuse and make mockery of a grand language! The poem itself is good, but honestly, the 'I's? You couldn't capitalize them? That infuriates me beyond manifestation of words. So perhaps I'll write a... (more »)
 
Anna23 said...
Feb. 8, 2009 at 2:01 am
Wow, that was really good.

I'm impressed!:)
 
Perfectionist47 said...
Feb. 8, 2009 at 12:08 am
My parents are open-minded to, but sometimes I restrict myself when I get scared. Reading this poem was basically the battles I have with myself. I loved it!
 
beautiful mind said...
Feb. 7, 2009 at 7:42 pm
i see that really anyone who want to express his feelo
so that he can by writing
imagining ..the more he/she fell the more she /he write- this peom reflect what iam saying
 
jessica marie said...
Feb. 7, 2009 at 6:50 am
To everyone who said you didnt try or you didnt do a good job. they dont know anything. the point of poetry is to let the writer express themselves, if you are happy with it then does it matter what some loser thinks? i dont think so. i hope you continue to write and let people hear your voice. very powerful and relatable. you might also like allpoetry.com fellow writes would enjoy your writing.
 
Emster29 said...
Jan. 31, 2009 at 7:39 pm
I totally thought it expressed your feelings and thats AMAZING. Even though I don't agree with everything you said (my parents are pretty open minded) I thought it rocked!
 
mysteriousmiss said...
Jan. 31, 2009 at 7:09 pm
i just want to reply to samuel's "infuriated" comment. I believe poetry is about how the person feels and the symbolism. you don't necessarily need big words for a poem. that makes it dry and boring. and it's okay if the capitalization and grammar is bad too. what matters is what the author was revealing about a part of their mind.

it was a very good poem. ^^ thanks for sharing it with us.
 
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