Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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MANGALOVER33 said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 7:23 pm
I'm kind of lost on the fact if 'father' is trying to keep you safe or trying to keep you prisoner. It depends on how you interpret the poem, but I wanted to hear it from the author! Great work! Your poem really evokes thought.
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 1, 2011 at 8:02 pm
yea I was also wondering wether if the father was trying to keep prisoner..well either way this is very good.
Jessica G. replied...
Nov. 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I think that in the father's mind, he was keeping the son safe from falling, but in reality, he was keeping him prisoner and didn't realize.
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 7:10 am
hmm good point. but maybe he did know what he was doing and was a little to over protective? could that be it???
DylanRock replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I think maybe the metaphor of the chain is a strong one which pushes more towards prisoner than caring for safety, I'm unsure whether this is deliberate though.
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:39 am

makes you wonder


MANGALOVER33 replied...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:17 pm
Yep. I guess it's best to leave some mystery in poems, to make them more interesting.
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 6:58 am
one of my teachers always say its better to keep them wanting more. :)
MANGALOVER33 replied...
Nov. 13, 2011 at 1:38 pm
That's true. Tell your teacher they're awesome =) I don't think they hear it enough.
bubbles.. replied...
Nov. 14, 2011 at 6:49 am

she deff does. i tell her everyday. and i give her a high five and help her out as much as i can. i love her. shes my fav teacher.


Gingersnap777 said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Interesting, and very rhythmic--it had a nice flow to it.  Great work!
Crystalkendra said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I like it very vivide I liked the end it had a double meaning I loved it thank you for putting it up so I could read it!
PaulMental This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 11:36 am
The end has such a great "a-ha!" moment!
MarieLouiseA said...
Oct. 24, 2011 at 10:58 am
This is a great piece of work. (: If anyone could read some of my work and give me some feedback i'd really appriciate it, im new to this (:
KatyPie97 said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 9:04 pm
You started off very strong, and it could have been amazing! But I felt as if you rushed into the end, trying too hard to finish. It is a great poem, still; just take your time and let the words flow:)
TheFutureAwaits said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm

I know when I write this it's going to be redundant, because everyone already wrote it, but it really leaves me thinking!

The part of the chain, it made me think of the title itself, Daddy's Womb. But why?

JamesODalaigh This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 23, 2011 at 7:46 am

Simply brilliant! Please never stop.


mightierthanthesword said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 7:31 am
Absolutely breathtaking! Amazing, outstanding job! Sad, but very vivid and relatable. Keep on writing!
Anabelle said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Love this poem. The end leaves me wondering though. I felt a sense of...almost acceptance that the narrator was bound. But it was still very sad too. Loved it though!


Dimand_Tears. said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Wow . Beautifully written, and quite umm, how do you say?? Poetic.
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