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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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emilybwrites said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 7:43 pm
i love this so much! please keep writing!! and everyone, please check out my poem "Forgotten Domain" and comment/rate thanksss:)
 
swimster16 said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I absolutely understand what you mean by this poem and the relationships on how parents are afraid to let their kids go, but it will have to happen.  Very good!!!
 
Nicole.Jones said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 11:21 am
I like this poem. It was creative and I got a good picture in my head while I was reading. Good job.
 
LifeisLife said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm
This is a very cute poem! You really created a scene in my head :)
 
B. said...
Oct. 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm
AWSOME i love this poem and it really ment something not of course my dad but mt mom in this case totally resembles this poem GOOD JOB!!! :)
 
mrsenesitive said...
Oct. 4, 2011 at 10:13 am
i loved this poem it really spoke to me your way better than i am but please check my stuff out
 
AristotlesApprentice said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:58 pm
i love the comment below. very humorous. but this a very serious poem as well. i think, now this is just from my point of view, that you are showing how the son thinks that his dad his holding him back (being unencouragable) but whenever he lets him go, the dad sees his success and therefore cheers him on saying he knew he could do it. At the end when he said he saw his father pull on a chain, this shows how still, even though the boy is free, someone is always going to be in control.
 
Sexxxxyyyy said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 10:21 am
your dad seemed very controling!!
 
mrsenesitive said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 10:14 am
really good please check me out
 
14hipkri said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I love the imagery used in your poem, Very nicely writen, I also love how it has such a good rhythm and rhyme. :)
 
mrsenesitive replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 10:15 am
plz check me out i wanna know if im as good as the people on here 
 
MsBrightside said...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 10:48 am
Honestly, the start of the poem was pretty good. I felt as if you were starting a story that would lead to a moral lesson, or stick with the title really. Though it seems as you read further and further, the poem digresses and you tried to hard. I think it needs some work, but it was a great start truly, keep up the good work!
 
.meadow. said...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 8:52 am
I liked it but... the line "as i gazed at the birdie" seemed forced, like when i'm writing and i say, "oh, what rhymes with luck? duck." and the poem takes a weird new path.
 
MsBrightside replied...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 10:52 am
I totally agree. It had a strong, lead to it in the start. You have an image in you'r head of a child questioning the father, than it leads into something about a sky and a chain, (Which I do understand is connected in sorts of ways), I think if this person wants all of these lines included, it should become a story told in a poem, with more reasonings and new pictures, its like thoughing a bunch at me without explantion.
 
Aiden said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
omg. im speechless. this is just beautiful. no words can do it justice.
 
bpjrobert said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm

 

I like it. Favorite Quote- "Then I knew that I was bound"

 
hearmyvoice said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm
i like the story but some of the rhyming seemed forced. the overall theme was great though so good job
 
maraquette.koss replied...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I agree, especially the line about the birdie, it sounds childish
 
BeachBum101 said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm
All I can say is wow!
 
Old-Ham said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 5:56 pm
so.beautiful.
 
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