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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2181 comments.
Krissy F. said...
on May. 14 2012 at 12:50 pm
The assonance and consonance in this poem is great! The pathetic fallacy makes this story very interesting!!
NATLIN said...
on May. 14 2012 at 12:38 pm
Great job! One thing I really liked was how the piece rhymed all the way through. Also, the stanzas were great because they were in the perfect order and sequence.
ClarityRedemption BRONZE said...
on May. 13 2012 at 12:35 pm
Great job!
MyBlissInChaos GOLD said...
on May. 13 2012 at 12:43 am
amazing, simply beautiful. :'D great job. keep writting!! :)
madlinejoy SILVER said...
on May. 10 2012 at 6:39 pm
still on top
DaleTheWhale BRONZE said...
on May. 10 2012 at 9:21 am
I thoroughly enjoy this poem. It has an original message and it has a great flow. However, I'm not really a fan of the birdie part, and I would suggest using proper grammer next time. Still, good job.
on May. 4 2012 at 1:41 am
i thought that the last line was the best!!!!
dubstep_lover said...
on May. 3 2012 at 2:25 pm
This poem is really good. The thing I liked most about this poem is the rhyming. Another thing I liked in this poem is the stanzas because they are in the perfect order and place.
anon12345 said...
on May. 2 2012 at 8:31 pm
yeah, i don't see why this poem is so famous...
**Melanie_K** said...
on May. 2 2012 at 1:59 pm
I Liked the consanace in the poem. I think it sounds better that way. I was a little confused at first, but as I read on I understood what the poem was saying and what you ment.
RoseMadder95 BRONZE said...
on May. 1 2012 at 3:05 pm
You are seriously talanted. I love how deep it is. It has a good flow to it, too. Keep writing!
NeonGreenMoon BRONZE said...
on May. 1 2012 at 2:36 pm
I really enjoyed this. your very talented, keep it up! :)
Chubby Dawg said...
on May. 1 2012 at 12:57 pm
That was a great poem! I enjoyed it like it was a Wiz Khalifa concert!
Chubby Dawg said...
on May. 1 2012 at 12:54 pm
It was a great poem. That poem was like being at a Wiz Khalifa concert. keep up the good stuff.
T-Plush 2 said...
on May. 1 2012 at 12:27 pm
I really liked the poem. I think you could have made it better by maybe adding a simile or metaphor. Other than that I really liked it.
SORECROR1234 said...
on May. 1 2012 at 10:28 am
The poem is very deep and it is very good. It is divided into stanzas and it also has pathetic fallacy. The poem probably would've been better if those last few lines weren't there. But I like the whole father and son idea. So overall this poem is a very good poem that could use maybe a few little changes.
Bailey98 said...
on May. 1 2012 at 7:48 am
I really enjoyed this poem and the rhythm and rhyme of the poem really made it flow. The assonance in the poem also made it come more alive.
taytaybergbower BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 9:49 am
very good. good detail
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