2 Brothers part 1 (NEW)

November 30, 2011
By iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss


Summary:

Summary: John Lonnen, grew up an orphan, but his brother was the favorite of the one's who raised him, they taught his brother to do wrong, now his brother was known as Cobra Commander, he had to stop him, he goes through many adventures along the way, but finally, he gets his brother to snap out of it. But how?


Cassandra C.

2 Brothers part 1 (NEW)


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This book has 7 comments.


on Feb. 19 2015 at 1:37 pm
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss

I'm also embarrassed of these comments please forget about them. I changed their age to 5th or 6th graders btw. I'm going to keep improving it until it's perfect thanks for the advice :)

on Feb. 19 2015 at 1:32 pm
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss

Sorry I was a rude and weird 13-year-old, I took your advice and forget all the other stuff I said I was being weird I didn't know anything.. just, I'm so embarrassed of that comment.

on Feb. 10 2012 at 3:36 pm
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss

Oh, and BTW... they aren't to young, OK they are, but it's fiction, plus I've made-out with someone at that age... :) yeah, I know, not your everyday girl.

on Feb. 10 2012 at 3:34 pm
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss

Yeah, I'll change the punctuation later, but the age thing... it's not that big of a deal, my first kiss was when I was in 3rd grade, it was also my first french kiss :P, probably other things, but I won't tell you all that. :/

byebye said...
on Dec. 28 2011 at 7:48 pm
byebye, Nevermore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 253 comments
I think you have a great story in the making here. However, you do need a little work on your punctuation, as the excessive commas can be a little bit confusing. As Jappy said, the age-relationship is a bit confusing. Maybe make it a bit more understated and more obviously childlike. Keep writing, though, I can tell you have big potential! :)

on Dec. 28 2011 at 6:35 pm
iWriter365 BRONZE, College Park , Maryland
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
You're off to great places, today is your day, your mountain is waiting, so get on your way- Dr. Seuss

well, changing the age thing, wouldn't work out for me.. but if I slowed down the aging, the story would be too long, he has a long story behind him. Oh and guess what? I'm working on an animation based on it, that probably won't be confusing :), Im also drawing pics

on Dec. 28 2011 at 6:22 pm
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye

I thought the romance between John and Jade was cute, but you have to make them a little older, like 10 or eleven, because I don't think 8 year olds would ever kiss the way they did....It got a little confusing in the end, it seemed like he was aging so quick.


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