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Who Am I

Allison A.
Who Am I
Summary: Alex Black, a young man, married and living a comfortable life, has to save his life, as well as all the lives of those in America, from the corruption that has formed. Though he doesn't know who he is exactly, he must trust someone he doesn't know in order to do what he, and only he, can do.

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This book has 7 comments. Post your own now!

kingofwriters said...
Aug. 18, 2014 at 3:25 pm
Okay, I read the rest of your story, and there were actually a lot of things I liked! I liked how you made an effort to address the misery found in this world head-on instead of shying away from it; I liked the President's character arc and the messages associated with it; I liked the way you developed Ali's character, even if the revelation at the end was a little unsatisfying; and I thought that the whole concept of the world being destroyed by mind control was really interesting! Impl... (more »)
kingofwriters replied...
Aug. 18, 2014 at 3:26 pm
(Next half again)   3: You brought up the fact that Alex is a computer genius in both Chapters 1 and 3, but he never actually uses that strength at all. I guess my main problem with this is you shouldn't take the time to mention something seemingly important early on if you're not going to use it later. Same thing with the flashback of his brother dying. Important event in his life that is never mentioned again.... (more »)
kingofwriters said...
Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:23 pm
(WARNING: BRUTAL HONESTY/EXTREMELY LONG COMMENT AHEAD)   I've only read up through the first chapter so far, but I will give you feedback on what I have read up to this point, and right now, there are two main flaws that really stick out in a very bad way here: telling instead of showing and a noticeable lack of realism.    Throughout the first chapter, you're telling me everything; y... (more »)
kingofwriters replied...
Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:24 pm
(Here's the second half of the comment. Yep, it was that long. :P)   There's also the flashback, and again I might come off as harsh when I say this, but I just have to: How was that flashback relavent to the story in any way, shape, or form? It was VERY sudden, it did not relate to anything that came before, and PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR THIS, but it felt exactly like this:   &quo... (more »)
kingofwriters replied...
Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:28 pm
(I really do apologize for this giant comment, I just had a lot I wanted to say. I really hope you get something out of it, because you are a very capable writer; the issues I rant about are holding you back.)
TheWeepingAngel replied...
Aug. 18, 2014 at 8:31 am
Thank you for your honesty.  This was really my first real work other than a few really short stories.  Also, I wrote this almost two years ago and have gotten a lot better since then.  I actually agree with what you said and have taken note of it.  Criticism and other peoples opinions help people learn and grow in what they love to do.  I really appreciate your help :)  
kingofwriters replied...
Aug. 18, 2014 at 10:41 am
Yeah, you're welcome! I didn't know you wrote it two years ago though; that explains a lot, because the way this story was written actually reminds me of the stuff I used to write when I was younger. Anyway, I'm sure you've gotten a lot better since then; half the stuff I said in my comment you probably already knew! :P 

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