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Guilty Stains

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Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”



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Christasingingdiva said...
Feb. 19 at 9:31 am:
This was really good, it kept me lookin for more. Great ending very good twist
 
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ivonee_r said...
Feb. 19 at 9:26 am:
the story was very good! even though i had to go back to figure out what character you were talking about it was very good after all
 
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Kayleighnguyen said...
Feb. 19 at 9:26 am:
The story had a good mystery. It is well written and it went straight to the point.
 
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ME99 said...
Feb. 19 at 9:18 am:
The ending was great but I kind of wonder what happen next. I guess its left a mystery. 
 
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Captain_Sheepie said...
Mar. 13, 2013 at 8:32 pm:
Good diction, and I enjoyed the ending: cery mysterious. Crime stories are sometimes the most difficult to write, but it seems you have a knack for it. Maybe you should think of writing more in the future?
 
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LightofMoonmanceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 10:29 pm:
The storyline was brilliant! I have to say, the wording and who was who was sometimes confusing, and it felt a little rushed. Perfect detective story, ending like that.
 
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vballgirl99 said...
Sept. 27, 2012 at 6:53 pm:
This is a pretty good storylines, but sometimes  the wording would get mixed up and a few times I was confused about what character you were talking about. Overall, good writing though!
 
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mellymels said...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm:
it seemed a bit rushed to me but i liked it
 
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ShayleeMarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 12:29 am:
No offense but I knew who the killer was by the time all the characters had been introduced. Also make sure to clear up which character is which because it took me a moment to realize that Anthony was Detective Brown.
 
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Ahmad-Mobeen said...
Dec. 11, 2011 at 9:04 am:

It's really great! =)

Well, guyz, I'm new here and would really appreciate your support. Please give my story "The Enigmatic Cause" a read and rate it! Please! Sorry if this feels wrong to you. Thanks. =)

 
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gpg1121 said...
Oct. 31, 2011 at 7:56 pm:
GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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carlya14This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm:
I really liked it! Very suspensful :)
 
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at22 said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm:
It's OK but the writing needs work.
 
MakenaB_mjbc99 replied...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 7:49 am :
Thanks for commenting, Maky.
 
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aakel said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:13 pm:
Exellent writing, enjoyable and tense.
 
MakenaB_mjbc99 replied...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 10:09 am :
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Hope the next piece keeps up the suspense as well. Maky
 
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gauchi tong said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm:
very nice!
 
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.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm:
Very well done. A lot of suspense and a nice twist at the end. Keep writing!
 
MakenaB_mjbc99 replied...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 4:42 pm :
Thank you! Glad you liked it, Maky
 
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potter said...
May 19, 2011 at 7:42 am:
Good suspense. Liked this thriller.
 
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