The Beast In The Shadows | Teen Ink

The Beast In The Shadows

November 21, 2008
By Jonathan Flaherty, South Houston, TX

Moonlight flickered down through the leaves, making small orbs of light on the floor, illuminating the path for the animals of the inght and those unfortunate enough to be followed. The orbs' perfectly round shapes were distorted as feet stamped across the loose soil. He looked abck and saw it gaining on him. He was truly terrified of the creature, for he had no idea what this beast was, but he kept going, driven by the small beam of hope of making it out alive. He was like a deer, caught in the headlights of some unknown driver, stuck by it's fear. Only if he knew where he was going, some clue to get him out of the maze of trees that twisted up until the treetops pierced the sky. He was reaching the outskirts of the trees now, and he sprinted away at the lit meadow outside the field. He was no more then ten steps away when the ground underneath him gave way,. As he plundered down, he realized that his life is gone, that this was just a trap. His body hit the jagged stones at the bottom, shredding his skin. His bloood seeped out from the gashes made by the stones, and the last thing he saw was the beast that lurked in the shadows leaping down to feed on him.


The author's comments:
I currently in 8th grade at Lutheran South Academy in Houston, Texas and i will graduate in 2013.

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This article has 7 comments.


apeeke BRONZE said...
on Jan. 4 at 10:11 pm
apeeke BRONZE, Hammonton, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 27 comments
Great story! I wish it was long though! But I love the detail

on Jul. 15 2013 at 10:31 am
MorningStar921 PLATINUM, Cheshire, Connecticut
21 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it?"
--Chuck, 'Supernatural' Episode 522

This was good. You just need to edit it better. Also, I think you should extend it just a little by adding really vivid description. I'm a huge fan of short stories that really blow up one small event into a really great short story, and the best ones are almost always the ones that add alot of good elaboration.

on Apr. 26 2010 at 9:31 pm
makemelegendary BRONZE, Prescott Valley, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Open your eyes, look within. Are you happy with the life you're living?" -Bob Marley

stellar word choice! I really got into it.  Just make sure to do a bit of a better editing job next time(:

on Apr. 1 2010 at 5:10 pm
whateverjuliet BRONZE, Miami, Florida
3 articles 3 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
true love never dies,it only gets stronger with time.

for it to be a short story i personally loved it

on Feb. 23 2010 at 4:33 pm
StonerChick SILVER, Frankenmuth, Michigan
5 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Its a dog eat dog world and we're all wearing bacon undearwear

ummm.... i don't know what you read, but yah it does. IT's a short story not a book. he/she can't give a whole story line. it's about a person being chased by a monster, then falls down a hole or off a cliff or something and then the monster jumps down to eat him. it's not hard to get.

on Dec. 20 2009 at 2:17 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

There was no topic or any form of theme. But some of your descriptions were impressive for someone in eighth grade. Good job overall.

on Nov. 26 2009 at 8:12 pm
waiting_to_be_found GOLD, Conifer, Colorado
10 articles 1 photo 73 comments
Well the writing itself is not bad, in fact if you're only in 8th grade it is probably a bit ahead of some kids... but you need to go back and edit it, and make sure it has a point!


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