Loving you is like wanting death Ep. 1 | Teen Ink

Loving you is like wanting death Ep. 1

August 27, 2009
By iPonder GOLD, Elk Grove, California
iPonder GOLD, Elk Grove, California
14 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
The bad things happen first,then the good things, then more bad things, then more good things: God helps us through the bad things so we can enjoy the good ones. :)


She tried to strike him with her bare fleshed hand. He grabbed it in mid air. "Would you like to try again?" he asked with a dark smirk across his face. Yes! She screamed within herself. She hated him and everything he did to her. She loved him but hated everything about him. He killed her hope of her father coming back to her. She looked away from the hard-chisseled face that captured her in such a trance many times before. "He will come back. He loves me, which is more than what I can say about you!" I shifted away from him. He crossed his arms and began to sigh. He leaned on the fireplace as i sat down on the piano in the middle of the living room. I shuffled through the sheet music and found a symphony from Beethoven's 3rd. I began to play. my fingers gently touching the ancient piece. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through my head. He who stole me away in the middle of the night just to tell me that my father's return was hopeless and just a fairytale. Yes, I hated him. I suddenly didnt feel the urge to play anymore and finished the symphony with my own made up tune. I gently closed the piano and walked to the door to exit this treacherous place he was trying to keep me captive in. He glided in front of the door and leaned on the handle. His face was now serious and stricken with frustration. "For the last time your not going anywhere. So sit now." he brushed his hand through his black hair and lowered his eyes at me. "Move." I said in a husk voice. It was five in the morning i had no time for this. He smiled well more of a sinical smile then a happy-go-lucky one. Jackass. "Make me." He crossed his arms back in place and began to hum the same tune i played a minmute ago. "You arrogant-" I stopped myself. "Fine Ill move you." I spoke in a low whisper. His eyes fluttered as I moved closer to him. His breath and mine lingered together as we breathed in eachothers scent. I skimmed my lips across his. He backed up. Yeah wasnt expecting that one now were you. I kept repeating that in my head. I had the control not him. He lowered his arms and then grabbed me by the waist pulling me closer to him. His rock solid chest against mine. He bit my lower lip and then devoured my lips with a need that he must have been holding back for all this time. It was our first but not our last kiss.


The author's comments:
I enjoy listening to deep and loud hard rock and love techno and alternative. Speaking as one of MANY girls who wear their hearts on their sleeves, I try to channel my feelings for a person in words, which turns into poems.

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This article has 166 comments.


on Feb. 19 2011 at 12:36 pm
BriannaM. SILVER, Keller, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Awesome!!!! Totally Marvalous!

Chanchie GOLD said...
on Jan. 28 2011 at 6:53 am
Chanchie GOLD, Trivandrum, Other
17 articles 4 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
A writer who writes without zest, without gusto, without fun, without love is only half a writer.
-Ray Bradbury

I loved this piece! Does anyone have the link to part 2?

MLGirl BRONZE said...
on Jan. 2 2011 at 1:47 pm
MLGirl BRONZE, 000, Other
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
i liked the plot! it's intriguing. i'm looking for part 2 but can`t find it...

on Dec. 15 2010 at 5:08 pm
m.ashley92 SILVER, Memphis, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
The imagination exercises a powerful influence over every act of sense, thought, reason,
-- over every idea.
Latin Proverb

i apartially agree with snow. the change in person was a little strange, but i really thought this was an excellent piece.

 


paperflowers said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 2:23 pm
paperflowers, Imaginary, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 176 comments

The place where you change from 3rd person to 1st person and the lack of divided paragraphs bugs me. Also in "your not going anywhere" it should be "you're not going anywhere." Now about the story... well it's not really a story. It's just a scene, and unless you're craving a kissing scene it's rather boring. Rereading it now, "beginning to sigh" doesn't make sense, and you probably meant for her to sit on the piano bench, not the piano itself, and I don't understand what you mean when you say "found a symphony from Beethoven's 3rd." Beethoven's 3rd what? Wouldn't it be Beethoven's 3rd symphony? In that case, would you be finding a movement from it or what? Instead of finishing the symphony after what seems like just a few minutes, you might want to say  "ended the symphony" and "with a little improvisation" might fit better than "my own made up tune." Also how is the place treacherous? 

 

I know I sound pretty negative here but I can actually tell from your writing that if you keep working on it and keep writing you're going to be really good some day :)


on Dec. 15 2010 at 7:54 am
Faceless BRONZE, Kennesaw, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
You Have Bewitched Me, Body and Soul, and I Love, I Love, I Love You. I Never Wish to be Parted from You from This Day On...

M'Kay! I'll check it out! :D

on Nov. 23 2010 at 8:37 pm
D_Beauty BRONZE, Euclid, Ohio
2 articles 1 photo 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."

Wow! This is great!! I absolutely love this. I was so curious of what was gonna happen. Great work!

skisoul96 GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2010 at 11:14 am
skisoul96 GOLD, Flushing, New York
13 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today
its already tomorrow in Australia.

Some of the descriptions are too flowery and it just makes it into a situation more dramatic than it really is. Its a good idea though just needs a little work. Good luck!

on Nov. 23 2010 at 6:07 am
Poppyyyman BRONZE, Nannup, Other
2 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Somewhere out there someone is laughing. They are looking down on us in our big round room, all pushing and scratching and drowning in each other, and laughing. Because they know, that they're not going to let us out.

you've done a great job engaging your readers ! i love the language and your way of describing things...but just a few areas of improvement....at the beginning you have written in 3rd person and it just changes half way to 1st.... and also, i dont really understand why he has kidnapped her in the middle of the night to force her to play piano for him? it is a bit confusing, so maybe if you tried using a less complicated situation that doesnt need as much background information to explain it it would be really affective.  but you had me hooked! i know exactly how this feels :)

on Nov. 1 2010 at 10:28 pm
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
36 articles 14 photos 214 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

"Did you know 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'" - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn

Could use a bit of polishing, but otherwise it's pretty good.

on Nov. 1 2010 at 3:50 pm
rockstar7777777 SILVER, Emsowrth, Other
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Its all about me"

i liked it, it reminded me of that song by eminem and rihanna: love the way you lie. i think that you could try to make it more intense, i found it a bit funny but it was good.

Dayne22 SILVER said...
on Oct. 11 2010 at 10:56 am
Dayne22 SILVER, Las Cruces, New Mexico
6 articles 31 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication"- Leonardo DaVinci "Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are" -Markus Zusak "I'm just trying to be me... Whoever that is" Unknown

Not only is you imagination, and descriptiveness great but you put them to good use!

trblue GOLD said...
on Oct. 11 2010 at 10:20 am
trblue GOLD, Richmond, Virginia
14 articles 7 photos 141 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. It only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head. "

over the summer i pulled some teenink stuff off the internet, and this pice of work was decided. i really liked it, it had like a dark feel to it. like city of bones if you read the books.

on Oct. 10 2010 at 10:29 pm
KeepReading BRONZE, Kansas City, Missouri
4 articles 13 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
“So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.”
―Dr. Seuss

this was great even with a few mistakes! writing takes practice, don't ever stop.

Mayzie2010$$ said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 4:26 pm
Heyyyy! I luv this story!! its so descriptive of what happened throughout th dialougue. Just a suggestion: What if the story had more about what happened after they kissed? Just a thought.

Patchsgurl said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 12:44 pm
Really good story. Needs some editing, but wow great story line, & very discriptivie! Continue this im craving more!

iiLov3Yuhhii said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 9:12 am
iiLov3Yuhhii, Staten Island, New York
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I liked it, it was like mad awesome! I can't wait for you to write more soon!

on Sep. 22 2010 at 3:47 pm
that waz good even wit the errorz........................ i think

on Sep. 18 2010 at 10:51 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

This is not very well written. It's got a lot of obvious errors, and even switches back and forth from third to first person. Sorry, but I didn't like it.

on Sep. 18 2010 at 6:11 pm
fictionlover10 SILVER, Scottsdale, Arizona
6 articles 0 photos 59 comments
I read it as well, and it's almost exactly word-for-word matching with the book Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult. Seriously. Is it just me, or that supposed to be bad? I mean, the names are different and you snuck in a ddifferent beginning and end but honestly, it looks like one of the pages I'm reading right now in Jodi Picoult's book. Anyone else see this?


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