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The Struggles of Tay

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Author's note: I wanted to help others. I know how it feels to feel alone. Others shouldn't feel that way. I...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: I wanted to help others. I know how it feels to feel alone. Others shouldn't feel that way. I didn't write this for pity. I wrote it for others to get hope and inspiration.  « Hide author's note
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Hitting the Awkward Stages

Fifth grade I had the best teacher ever. She adored me, I still visit her to this day. I will forever remember when I was being picked on and she put the kid on what teenagers now call “blast”. I entered a spelling bee that year made it past the class and the school spelling bee. I failed when the next level of the spelling bee came. I was no nervous! I was smart as a kid though. I still am, but bad choices, mental illness, and rough experiences started happening.
My dad deployed for the second time in my life in fourth grade didn’t get back until a year later. Then he had to leave again when I was in sixth grade. Speaking of sixth grade rough year. Boys aren’t worth it! Wait until you are 16 to date and date the good boys. The ones that open car doors for you and spoil you.
I had my first boyfriend the loser still tries to talk to me getting naughty things out of me. I respond of course to be polite but keep talk small. I kind of held a grudge when I found out he dated me because I had big hoo-has. Then he dumped me for another girl. My first heart ache and disappointment. Boys suck! Then I got hooked on dating, but they were usually the wrong guys. My second boyfriend forced my first kiss and made me do things that I didn’t want to do to him. I was hit, sexually abused, and one day had a knife held to my throat. Dealt with him on and off for two years not knowing what to do.
I was so depressed I was cutting myself, got promiscuous at the age of twelve, and drank alcohol.
I needed help.
Seventh grade I was kind of popular, but for the wrong reasons. Middle of seventh grade I got in some serious trouble. I was pressured into sending a nude photo by one of the boys I went to school with, and my self esteem was so low I did. I was harassed. Horrible names I don’t even want to say in this, because they hurt me so bad.
We ended up moving around December of my eighth grade year because I was extremely depressed from being harassed so badly. I even almost got sent to court.
We then moved to Fort Dix, New Jersey hoping for me to get a fresh start. I literally had two friends in eighth grade. I was pretty much a loner. Then I joined scouts and stayed there for about two years I enjoyed it. A lot of adventures, good people, and fun times.
One day we were camping and I asked my dad who went with us venture scouts,” Dad where do I plug in my hair straightner?” His reply being sarcastic but I didn’t notice I was so tired,“ Go find a tree with a plug in it.” I’m not joking there’s evidence on my facebook page I found a tree with a plug in it. Everyone was shocked it became joke of the year. I still don’t know whether my dad was proud, shocked, or dying of embarrassment. I can assure you he will never tell me that again though!
Scouts helped me a lot though. Especially since I was the new girl with a little side of country accent I got picked on.
I didn’t even make it through ninth grade we tried everything. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and bipolar. I was devastated. My heart hurt so bad it felt like I lost a side of me.
We tried homeschooling and everything. I failed ninth grade three times due to anxiety and being bullied.
I later moved back to Missouri and tried school again. I couldn’t handle it both times. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd, smoking, and drinking. I didn’t know how much more of myself I could handle I was spiraling downwards. I was then drugged and raped in May of 2012. The guys who did it got away I waited too long out of fear to take it to the legal system. Then when I did the harassment was terrible and we were losing because of no evidence. Every time they would bring it up I would just cry and shake.
I later started going to a therapist and was diagnosed with PTSD. In my mind great another disorder more pills. The question of me ever living a normal teenage life started to bombard my mind. I cried every night.
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