Departing | Teen Ink


December 10, 2008
By Anonymous

What on Earth am I doing? How did I get myself into this? Jumbled thoughts ran around in my head like wild animals, and I couldn’t seem to catch them all as I stood in the middle of nowhere. I felt like kicking myself in the head for even getting into this situation in the first place even if I had no idea how that happened. I lowered myself to the ground just as the sky let loose with heavy droplets of rain, scattering water everywhere and splashing on me freely. I felt disgusted and as if I were a freak of any sort of life, standing here and letting nature take over. I absolutely HATED to be thought of as weak, but I was taking it since I couldn’t seem to think of anything else I could do.

Gross! Now I was all muddy, and I had no idea where I was. Oh boy, why did everything have to catch up to me NOW, of all times? Helplessly, I turned around and started to wildly try to entangle myself from reality somehow, just to take away the physical and mental pain. But it seemed so impossible. I used to say that everything WAS possible, but this was an exception. Why did exceptions have to ALWAYS pop up when I didn’t need them? And to top it of, another bucket of water slid down my face and ran down my cheeks, definitely making me look as if I had been crying or just attempted to drown myself. I started running through all the muck with absolutely no idea whatsoever as to what I was trying to do.

I had just started sprinting through the rain when I remembered the fact that I would get fifty percent more wet running than standing still. Great! I AM not bad at stalling, I reminded myself. It is just rain, the pain, and the fact that I’m lost and I have nowhere to go. This is NO time for humor, I chided myself, but I could not restrain myself. Actually, I HAVE never had a place to go in my life. Man, I was a LONG way from civilization, and I knew there was only one person who ever worried about me, the only person that I knew or cared- my best friend and look-a-like that was my only family- Emmy

But where on Earth was Emmy? I hardly even knew where I was except that I was… well, still here. Drifting, but here. Just barely. I could feel the growing pain in my left shoulder with each agonizing step. Emmy was one for being good at science and medical things, but I was the complete opposite. Perhaps if I could find her, and that was a big if, I could live through this. A particularly excruciating jolt of pain ran up my left arm again, severe enough to make me struggle to gain concentration and keep together.

A flash of brown quickly ran by, and the glimpse was enough to make me stumble after the person I suspected was Emmy. Something I faintly registered as more pain climbed up my left leg as I lost my footing and went down hard. I sprawled on the grass, tumbling in my own frame of mind to the end of the world.

“Emmy!” I managed to croak out. The girl didn’t turn, nor did I myself stir. Then I gathered together fierce concentration and hollered as loudly as I could in an effort to save myself, “EMMY!” Her name had taken all energy from me although I had only used it once.

In front of me somewhere, I heard faint rustling, scaring the living daylights out of me. Better NOT be a wild animal! I thought before I panicked. But it was just Emmy, thank goodness, brown hair messy as usual, soaked, and green eyes glistening. I couldn’t tell if it was rain or tears that sunk my heart. Emmy shook her head as if in emotional pain and sunk down, down deeper next to me until it seemed as if she couldn’t possibly sink any lower, even in the midst of all that muck. She bent down further, and before I knew it Emmy scooped me up in her arms and carried me. Normally I might have protested, but even I sensed that I was growing weak, faint, and drifting away from any feel of life altogether, overwhelming me with an unexplainable sadness. I did not want to admit I already knew how risky and hopeless this was.

“Close your eyes,” Emmy gently commanded, her voice hardened as if she could not seem to bear any more pain. I obeyed but did not rest as she had implied with instruction in her voice, fitfully fighting against myself, part of me wanting to give in to death and peace, part of me wanting to cling to life and savor all I could of it. Before I had reached much of a decision, I felt Emmy shifting her position and I heard her hollow words that chilled my heart. “You BETTER make it, girl, or I will honestly kill myself,” she desperately called to the world, the uncaring, cruel world. I cried out to think I was bringing so much misery upon Emmy, but she hushed me.

I struggled, desperate now to fight for my life. Emmy set me down carefully and tenderly gripped my cold hand. My eyes fluttered open and I saw how soaked Emmy was before I scanned myself.

Emmy refused to ask any questions. I could see it in the emerald eyes that mirrored my own too perfectly. We could be easily mistaken for sisters- me with the long, straight hair and Emmy with the curly brown ocean flowing behind her. A few tears fell from Emmy’s eyes, and I could tell she was not willing to give in to the truth. In a choked voice she admitted to the world that was so hardhearted and unfeeling, “I don’t know what to do.” I reached out with my good arm, the one that had not been crushed by the boulder that had come rolling down the hill and had struck me on the left side with unbelievable force, as I had been unable to avoid it. Fresh blood still gushed from my side, flowing without stop, and I still vaguely recalled the feeling when I had been hit head on. Being separated from Emmy had been the worst thing that I could bear, but with the growing pain I did not know what to do now, nor had I in the past.

Even now I didn’t know how I had been separated from Emmy, for I could not recall such an event. Right now, to me it didn’t matter. “Kari, don’t leave me,” Emmy whispered my nickname, nickname for Karoline, spelled with a K. How did I manage to get us both into this mess anyway? I glanced up into Emmy’s face, transforming itself into worry before my very eyes, breaking my already fragile heart. I knew I had to fix this before anything drastic occurred.

“Don’t worry, Emily.” I used Emmy’s real name to emphasize that I was serious. “I’ll be okay, and you take care.”

She gazed into my eyes while mine penetrated hers for a last glance of this world. I squeezed her hand as strength drained from me, failing me at the most terrible moment, and from that point on when my eyes snapped shut for the last time, I ceased my existence on this Earth.

The author's comments:
This is the only tragedy piece I’ve ever tried to write. However, I’m quite pleased with how it turned out, and the sequels to this story aren’t as tragic as Departing is.

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This article has 13 comments.

PK4evr ELITE said...
on Sep. 15 2009 at 11:24 pm
PK4evr ELITE, Allen, Texas
105 articles 5 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch everyone wonder how you did it!

Yeah, well, it was my first one-shot... haha... so yeah, it wasn't the best, but it was my first and I still love it for that reason. (This is Natalie, this doesn't credit to my screenname for some reason.) Thanks for R&Ring. -Natalie

on Sep. 7 2009 at 12:12 am
Rapplescallion SILVER, Fort Collins, Colorado
8 articles 10 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. -Anonymous

I really liked it! It seemed somewhat scattered and rushed, but if I'd just been hit with a boulder, I wouldn't be thinking too straight either... I think it was really confusing in parts. Why was Kari running? Other than that, I really liked your imagery with the rain and was hooked from paragraph one.

on Aug. 14 2009 at 12:07 am
Great story! There was a little too much packed into it, and more detail and clarity would make it better.

on Aug. 13 2009 at 8:02 pm
AquariusSunandMoon SILVER, Sublette, Illinois
8 articles 17 photos 69 comments
Up until the end I didn't even know who the main character was, (I was thinking along the lines of an abandoned cat!). So a little confusing there, but otherwise I thought it was good. :)

Schubster said...
on Aug. 13 2009 at 4:02 pm
I love "Departing" even more than the sequal....this is an awesome tragedy. keep up the great work. :)

on Jul. 22 2009 at 5:00 pm
awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground"
~Theordore Roosevelt

If this is your first tragedy piece then good work. I was a bit confused tough, as I felt like you were trying to pack too much into the story. It was overwhelming to read about how they were far from civilization, and then how Emmy to walked by, and how a boulder rolled down a hill- I think it would be easier to unerstand if you simplified it a bit. Over all though- good work! I look forward to reading the sequel.

~I'd love any feedback anyone has on my story~

on Jul. 22 2009 at 2:16 pm
I think some parts of the story were good because you yourself write well, however the story as an entity could have been better

hola14 BRONZE said...
on May. 12 2009 at 2:02 am
hola14 BRONZE, New York, New York
1 article 0 photos 11 comments
It was really good. Imagery and such. But how she died is still kind of confusing. But I liked it 8D

on May. 11 2009 at 8:05 pm
Denae Worcester BRONZE, Castle Rock, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 31 comments
You started the story in the right spot, I think, if it had to end that way, but Emmy, since she plays such a big part, ought to be mentioned faster, perhaps.

There were some difficulties understanding what was going on, especially whatever Kari was trying to say in paragraph 3.

Also, what killed her exactly? If she can run, and the pain's only in her arm and leg, what did the boulder crush that finally killed Kari? Was it just the fact that she didn't WANT to live? (because, she didn't seem like she was fighting very hard)

on Apr. 12 2009 at 9:03 pm
bluejay31 SILVER, Scottsdale, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Great story. I agree with artofthedeath. It was an extremely good story, but just could have flowed better. I really liked the suspense.

on Mar. 21 2009 at 1:43 am
artofthedeath PLATINUM, Dothan, Alabama
23 articles 0 photos 16 comments
Great description. It was not the perfect flow of a best selling author, but it kept me hooked. I believe you could have gone into more detail of their situation though. It was a little scrathy, but our whole lives are in the works. Good job.

CatCave GOLD said...
on Mar. 16 2009 at 12:05 am
CatCave GOLD, Duluth, Georgia
17 articles 14 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
We do not inherit the earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.

I really loved how you kept it suspenseful and intriguing the first half of the story. It wasn't hard to follow at all and your descriptions and metaphors of the rain were awesome. It could've flowed more smoothly, but overall good job!

Natalie K. said...
on Jan. 25 2009 at 2:54 pm
Hey, it's Natalie (aka the author.) Now that "Coming Home" is up, I wanted you guys to have the link: