I had it for 14 seconds
And then my mind went wandering into the unknown and my heart of glass shattered, piercing my porcelain skin on the way down
I had it for 13 seconds
Before my mind began to swirl, contorting the hues and shades of my life into nothing more than an aching red that blurred my vision and overtook the now dark rainbow
I had it for 12 seconds
When the vivid sun above me lost its light and sunk into the earth beside me
A reminder that I am nothing more than a mere collection of space dust, from the same origins as the sun and the stars and the moon and one day, I will again be space dust,
Floating listlessly yet jubilantly with no distinction between the remnants of myself and everything I have ever known as well as everything I have not
I had it for 11 seconds
When the consistently blaring music in my mind sharply halted,
leaving in its place a deafening silence made up of what can only be described as   a voice stolen by the truth that I could never bring myself to admit
I had it for 10 seconds
When the few words left in my mouth fizzled up and were swallowed, leaving a harsh aftertaste of disappointment and regret
I had it for 9 seconds
Before my heart burst and my head swelled and my hands grasped for something that was no longer there,
something that was never there,
that had only ever been a mere creation in my mind and then I realized that I could reach nothing, and perhaps I've made up everything I've ever known and there's nothing to prove me otherwise
I had it for 8 seconds
Until I tried to run from what I've known, what I've always known, and my legs collapsed from under me, abandoning the rest of my body to an eternity of waiting and wondering and worrying
I had it for 7 seconds
As I realized that nothing is tangible nor permanent and I am not entitled to the beauty and acceptance of the world,
there is no such thing as a guarantee or a truth or a fact
Because what may be true to one person is not true to the next
I had it for 6 seconds
When my usually rapid gasps diminished to merely a shaky inhale
I had it for 5 seconds
When the world halted its course as I continued to spin off beat
I had it for 4 seconds
And my eyes began to blink away the inevitable,
As if with each close of an eyelid and the brief submersion into darkness,
All went away and I was left to my own existence
Before being mercilessly jerked back into a new reality,
undesirably new each time
I had it for 3 seconds
When there was momentarily peace
I had it for 2 seconds
When the peace was ripped out from under me
I had it for 1 second
When it went away
The confidence, the courage, the confirmation
And I began again
I had it for 14 seconds