I noticed that I never smile in my pictures unless it forced. I was fighting the devil so hard but I eventually gave up and let him take his course. A lot of the times I have my eyes wide open but am blind to my surroundings. Maybe I was too comfortable with my hurt. I drowned in it. I inhaled deep sorrow and exhaled weakness. I'm not gone lie and say I was strong. But it's hard to hold on when you're being sucked up by the strength of the storm. Sometimes I look in the mirror and chastise myself. I talk about what I should've did right but then realized that everything I do could only go wrong. My disgust with myself is like the hatred of white man to a black man trying to get an education yeah
hate is a strong word and I pray to God for forgiveness everyday. I've forgiven the others but I have to learn to forgive myself. For letting myself get this way. I cannot look in the mirror without over looking my pain. I've been hurt. I am hurting. I'm just wondering am I still worthy.