Someday I will stop lying to myself.
                   I can hear my conscience loud and clear,
                        There is a pounding in my head,
                                      It tells me to,
                                       Try harder.
                                        Be better.
                                       Care more.
              I swallow the bitter truth and I spit back up lies.
           The taste of freedom has never made me feel so lost,
                                         Isolated.
                                       Bewildered,
                                 And overwrought.
            Putting your fate into God’s hands feels so unsettling.
                                      So much doubt.
                         Is giving up a part of my plan?
                Or is failing it all a part of my utter demise?
                            I can see my future now.
                                      There I am.
                           Lying on the cold concrete,
                         A blanket wrapped around me.
                       It feels like my mother’s embrace.
                            I am close to a busy road.
                       Long and treacherous is that road.
                      I watch each and every passerbyers.
                   To me it seem their lives are all in place. 
                                              Me,
                                      I’m homeless.
                               Maybe God’s not real.
               But I’ve put too much trust in his hands now.
                                      For now I wait.
                       Maybe I should work a little harder.
                         I think everything will be okay.
                   Whatever happens is meant to happen.
                                             Right?
                        Someday I will stop lying to myself.