I realized today that you don’t love me, Davi, or Nunu and it hurts so much.
How do you live your life every day?
I beat myself up all the time thinking I’m not good enough.
I look in the mirror every day and wonder what’s wrong with me to make the man who put me on this earth want nothing to do with me.
This hurts so bad.
My counselor told me you're the reason for a lot of my problems, but that isn’t your fault it’s mine. I let myself think that I’m not good enough for anyone because you didn’t want me.
I let myself believe that I had to be behind bars or six feet under for you to love me.
At night, I think about the few memories I had when I was young and wonder how you can go from loving someone to not giving a f*** about them.
I never wanted money. That’s not what this is about I just wanted to see your name pop up on my phone and a hug on my birthday.
But I never got any of that.
You can have an empty bank account but a full heart.
That’s all I ever wanted was a relationship.
I shouldn’t have ever had to beg for that.
I let myself reach my low over a man who probably wouldn’t show up to my funeral if I died today and probably won’t come to see me walk across the stage to get my diploma.
You really messed me up, more than you’ll ever know.
Why?!
What did I do?!
I really want to know because I can’t take it anymore!
I can’t keep doing this to myself.
I’m falling apart!
I need to know!
What did I do wrong?!
Tell me what I did?!
When I reached out to you I thought things would change.
But it’s still all the same.
You don’t love me, davi, or nunu.
It’s sad to see you bringing more kids into this world so many years later, who will one day feel the same way I feel.
You’ll walk out on them,
just like you walked out on us.