She looks back at old pictures

Tears falling from her eyes.
Looking back at memories of family
Makes her heart rip
Into pieces.
Like the colors of sunset slowly rent apart by darkness.
She doesn't remember him
But the pictures bring up feelings
Feelings bubbling up inside her.
Like prisoners banging against her heart 
Wanting to escape.
They have resided there for sixteen years.
Everytime she looks at pictures of him
Her heart rips a little bit more.
Like ripping out a seam while sewing.
The memories of when they looked like a happy family
The memories she only knows from pictures.
From stories that she has uprooted from her mother
And from her imagination.
She has a wild imagination
She dreams of dragons taking him away
Or aliens
Or monsters.
When she really knows he chose to leave.
He got mad.
He left without saying a word.
He left without his books and movies
His clothes, suits and pajamas.
Anything.

After that day
Her mother cried.
Her mother wept.
Her mother sobbed.
She wailed.
After some time
The crying, weeping, and sobbing disappeared.
Replaced with small whimpers here and there.

She wondered where her mother had gone
The mother she used to have
The happy cheerful mother.
She had anger boiling and bubbling.
She feels like it will flow over.
She has to let it out
But she won’t.

She puts on a mask.
Wipes her tears with her wrist.
Gets dressed in her favorite dress
And goes about her day, school and homework.
No one knowing how she feels.
What is inside of her.
She just looks like a happy girl.
A girl who loves school.
Not a girl with scars and wounds.
She has the ability to hide those feelings.
She hides them well
Until she is home.
Until the door to her room gets shut and locked.
The depressing music is turned up in her ears.
You can’t hear her tears.
No one can.
Not even her mother.

She wipes away her tears.
Puts on her mask.
Gets dressed in her leotard
And goes to ballet.

The studio is her second home.
The place she can let her feeling out.
Through her dance
Her anger
Pain
Longing
Fear.
And the mask she puts on slowly falls away like the last petals on dead flowers.

She looks back at old pictures
Tears falling from her eyes.
Looking back at memories
Makes her heart rip
Into pieces.
Like the colors of sunset slowly rent apart by darkness.
She remembers the time she was happy.
A child with no worries or cares.
Birthday cake, pumpkin pie, and christmas cookies.
Things she won’t eat now.
The monster holding her in her brain is like a spider crawling in corners,
Spinning webs of lies over the dusty boxes
Of thoughts, dreams and memories.
The memories wrap her up like a straight jacket.