Heaviness upon my breast of words caught in my throat

Choking on fears that seep through sealed eyes,

If I cannot see I cannot fear

If I cannot fear I cannot cry

My fears become tears,

I insist that I cry too often,

But when something digs into my skin like sharp nails

I hammer it in to keep it from bothering others.

Sugary sweet drops of, "Oh no you messed up again,"

Gilded cupcake cheeks,

Sprinkle tears coat gummy lips;

My caked foundation ruined by black licorice mascara,

Confectionary face smeared and smudged.

I eat too much, food comforts my starving soul,

I am hungry for more than what society has to feed,

I am famished for serenity.

Heaviness upon my breast

I have trouble breathing properly,

Sometimes I forget to take it in deeply,

A blue eternity filling my lungs, I think I'm drowning.

I forget to think with more than half of a brain,

Pattern out everything due to my incessant need to understand my surroundings.

They cling to my hard armor shell,

Pounding and demanding to be let in,

Through little cracks I've bled; doubt sneaks its way through my wounds,

I am vulnerable.

My fears become tears of anxiety,

I lay on my bathroom floor,

My left to right shampoo lather wasn't the same

Suds race to the drain as my heart races up my throat.

Curled up in bed at night

Sobbing too heavily to catch my breathe, I am not good enough.

I have to be thin to be loved by millions of followers on a social Media platform that acts as my final verdict on how I choose to Treat myself.

Sometimes I forget to take it in deeply,

I forgotten the art of breathing, I'm too busy perfecting,

Patterns and processes offer a purpose

a heaviness upon my breast I'm choking on thoughts

I cannot force through my lips.

A scratch on the surface is a plunged dagger through my armor

And I still fear, I have anxiety,

I am overcome with the overbeariness of being a bother

This is my self-diagnoses

A burden to friends, brother, mother, and father.

If I cannot see I cannot fear

If I cannot fear I cannot cry