I have lost so much because of the two of you.
I have lost trust and I have lost friendship
I have lost laughter and I have lost safety
I have lost a sense of home and I have lost love
I have lost your circular pool and your dog and the one direction cutout in your blue room
I have lost late night skateboarding through town and I have lost the blush on your face that comes along with confrontation.
I have lost your kind mom and your grandma’s incredible brownies
I have lost your insecurities about your nose and your passions that turned to your demise.
I have lost sleepovers with you and Halloween with you and February with you
I have lost you, buried in a screaming match in the sanctity of an otherwise silent library
I have lost you when the tears came hot and heavy down my face, while yours stayed dry and set in stone.
I have lost you
I have lost you because of me yes, but also because of him
From him I have lost the most
I have lost amber eyes and bronze hair
I have lost flannel shirts and collared tees
I have lost last-minute sushi where he still dresses like he had time to get ready for hours
I have lost condensation rings next to merged hands on a starbucks table
I have lost your mother and father’s smiles when I sang in your car
I have lost your brown sweater that you always let me borrow
I have lost the gray shirt that I wore when you asked me out
I have lost the peach blush in your cheeks and your delicate fingers when you played the piano
I have lost you trying to teach me the impossibly beautiful notes on Halloween
I have lost your intelligence prodding me to question and grow in my own
I have lost my love through a text ending it all
I have lost the hope that I had that he just needed a few days
Or a few weeks
Or a few months

It’s a new year now
A year without them
I have found two new best friends
I have found sitting all alone at lunch
I have found crying through Halloween
I have found a more realistic view
I have found a new confidence
I have found a new life without them
I still see them everyday but we have all moved on

From what has been lost, new has been found.