The feeling of exhaustion when you cannot help what is
inside of your mind. The feeling of knives stabbing into
your stomach while you look out the window of the car. The
feeling of someone controlling your thoughts and picking
out your flaws every second of the day. These are a few of
the feelings she causes.
     She’s been living inside my head for fourteen speckled
years of my life now. I bet she thinks it’s a joke.
     The questions started coming in around the end of my
adolescence.“Why are you always freaking out? Just calm
down for once!” It was like they were amused by this.
     Can they not tell that I don’t choose for this to
happen? Can they not tell that my life starts with me
waking up and going to bed with every mentally discouraging
thought running through the miscellaneous parts of my body?
-----------
      ~But it will all be fine when I control my feelings
with a small blue pill that magically melts it away~
     No. This is a part of me, a part that I will live with
forever. I wish it wasn’t, but it’s engraved inside of me.
      ~Thicker than the blood the doctor draws from you’re
      small veins leading to every nerve of your body~
                        ----------
     They tell me to cope. I try, for the most part. But
when you are ridiculed and shot down, picked apart like the
pickiest eater alive, it can be the biggest challenge yet
to face.
     Life was going good. Actually life was going great. I
felt comfortable in my own skin for once!
                        ----------
     She’s back, worse than ever. She tells me I’m not good
enough. She tells me that because there is no space between
my legs, I’m fat. She tells me I’m stupid. She tells me
that there’s no point. “All you have to do is impress
others”.
     I know not to believe her, but I do. I believe every
word she speaks. It’s drained my life.
-----------
-------I am done living in a bubble---------
     I must continue my fake identity. Apply my mask in the
morning. Pinch my cheeks to force them to smile. Fry my
hair to get it pin perfect. Send out a giggle to seem
happy.
                         ---------
     Even then, I look in the mirror and it shatters. What
more can I give? My jealousy of others is raging inside. I
can’t help but think why my mind can’t be free.
Oh wait....
     It’s her again. She’s back. I scream, “GET OUT! YOU’VE
TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE?”
                    -------No reply------
     Now I’m back to the same spot, once again peering out
the window with that horrid stab in my right side of my
stomach. I guess it’s never ending.