Outside the window, the sun shines bright

Birds glide through the air
singing their joyous songs
like a child’s playful voice,
not a care in the world

But here I am,
curled in a ball,
in a dark corner of a building left to crumble
A place where no one will disturb me
Thoughts scatter through my head,
none of them staying long enough to fully grasp,
but none of them are good or helpful
Despair tries to envelop me in a smothering embrace
I want to give in
I'm so tired of life
I'm tired of being tired,
of being weighed down by inadequacy and doubt,
and feeling such self loathing
A faint sob and sniffle pierce the still air
Then another as I realize,
the sob was mine
Helplessness has me in a headlock
and won’t let go,
no matter how hard I try to break free
Sorrow is trying to pull me under
and misery suffocates me,
crushing me in its grip
like a boa constrictor
slowly squeezing the life out of its prey
I need out
I need something
Anything
I'm desperate for even a flicker of relief,
the sharp comforting sting of pain
the tang of blood in the air
A pain on the outside
to combat the pain I feel inside
Just a bit of sweet respite from the world
Or better yet
I could end it all
and be free of this world forever