i long for a place elsewhere

sometimes at night when I shut my eyes tight
it emerges out of the darkness
a shining orb of warmth
dancing like a dandelion in the midst of a cool july wind

i see a beige hammock in the pines
holding two best friends
alike in every way
minus their ponytail lengths
playing cat’s cradle
and murmuring about mermaids, goblins,
centaurs, fairies.

one asks if her friend can stay for dinner
mother says yes without hesitation

a twinkle in their eyes

school is long gone
the scent of pine needles, fresh cherries
and the warm summer sun waft in the air

the brothers and the sisters run outside
to play badminton and laugh
dad cooks on the grill and the youngest comes over
pleading to flip a burger herself
dad gives her a soft high five when she does it right

dinner comes sooner than expected
everyone bunches up around the picnic table in the yard
watching the pastel pink dapples in the sky
deepen into sunset

mother shoos the kitten off the table
everyone clutches their chests in laughter

the youngest has ketchup smeared
on the corners of her mouth
and the oldest wipes it off with a smile

after dinner they drive down to the beach
deserted
the kids run into the crashing waves
the brother jumps on his sister’s back
and holds on tight
the two best friends swim deeper
and pretend they are mermaids
basking in the sunset
playing hide and seek

the oldest stands at the edge and closes her eyes
feeling her feet sink, slowly.

i long to return to a place
where we’re completely unaware
that these are the best days.
and when we’re old and disconnected
we’ll look back
with an overwhelming wave of nostalgia:
untamed happiness
and strange bittersweetness
because we know
these were our truest selves
no masks
no pretending
just living