If only i knew.
If only i knew that this moment would be the last
The last of the memories that bound us together like a 17th centruy novel
Memories that no matter how far your distance, remind me that you have never left at all.
Oh if only i knew that our most uneventful encounter would be the last
I would never have let that ordinary moment be so bland. I would have taken you to see it all. I would have told you how proud i am to be your sister. To have someone like you in my life. I would have told you how much i need you. Told you how much i miss you when yor gone. Told you how much i miss you now.

And yet even a memory as inspid as our last, still makes me feel the most everlasting bond with you. Like a magical connection full of all these ineffable emotions i wish i could express to you.

If only i knew that this would be the last.
The last time i would have the great honor to glance with such prideful envy at those peircing blue eyes, perfectly paired
with the most vivacious bashful smile i have ever known
The very same smile that lifted me through the worst of times. The smile that dragged me out from the fire, out from the misery i never knew i could bounce back from.
The strength your smile gave me, oh how i need that smile now.

If only i could just reach out and touch you. Hug you one last time with the warm embrace of an overbearing older sister who doesnt want to ever let you grow up. A sister who so fears the uknown. The world so undetermined. This place they call "adulthood". She fears but you dont. You run toward the abyss with the most electrified attitude so full of confidence i wonder how we were rooted from the same DNA.
You grow up with grace. You grow up and leave.

I can barely recall the numerous times you left me.

The first day of school, the summer camp youve long awaited, your senior class trip to washington. You left me in such temporary stints to live the life you so deserved. You left me- all for justified reasons -but you still left me.

You left me for good this time. This time there is No reason. How could you be gone? How could you leave me forever? Alone, you left me. alone forever
If only you didnt have to leave.