I talk, I laugh, I smile, I listen
But I do not feel.
It’s like my feelings just decided to leave me.
Like a relationship they just couldn’t handle anymore.
I call and call trying to get through to them,
To win them back.
But they don’t answer my calls.
I didn’t realize how much they were a part of my life,
Until they were gone.
Even laying in your arms
Your thick body against mine,
Holding me tight.
What I imagined would make me feel whole
Makes me feel emptier.
Emptier, like a gaping hole inside my chest.
I have had the hole of hurt before.
That spot in your heart that you can feel,
Just literally aching with no end in sight.
With thoughts of doubt in your head if your feelings are valid.
I always thought that was the worst.
Now I face the numb hole.
No feeling, no hurt, nothing.
Numbness.
Now I want to hurt.
The pain is so familiar
I know how to handle it.
I put on my music and curl up.
But now even music lost all of its feelings.
There is no connections.
It was a slow decline of emotional connection.
My thoughts are going a mile a minute,
But my feelings are MIA.
I never wanted my feelings to die.
I still cry, but it’s an empty cry.