One day
In our path to recovery
we decide to keep our eyes on depression
But slowly back away
putting a deep space between ourselves and it
Slowly
As if we are backing away from a wild animal that could attack at any moment
It shrinks into the distance
growing into a microscopic speck

but only when that speck
has vanished altogether from within our sights
Only when we can breathe again
When the world is no longer on our chest
When we can laugh
And smile
And sing again

It is in this exact moment when
we feel a tug
A tug that snaps us back
Back to the cold arms of depression
Like black vines jutting through our bodies
Entwining us
this is when all the memories and the actions
that are wrapped up within that microscopic speck
come flooding back
A hole in the repaired dam
Jumping off a bridge
And the cord has no slack

this is me trying to put into words how it feels
To have all of that progress and growth ripped away
to the working’s of an ever growing virus
Which can do so much damage
You are never free
You are never safe

Symptoms of this virus may include but are not limited to:
Feelings of dread and hopelessness
Loss of interest
Being constantly tired
Suicidal thoughts and tendencies
Weight gain weight loss
Anxiety
General discontent
Apathy
Feeling as though you are drowning even though you have swam before

This epidemic has a name, though it does not even come close to describing
all the pain and the suffering
That is has and is still causing
as people read this name
they take a moment to pause
And to think
And to press their tongues up against the back of their top teeth
As they try desperately to deny that it exists
The name is depression

And many get the misconception that
depression
is a choice
that it is merely a mind set
but in all reality it is a thriving virus
a relentless and never ending illness
a complex chemical equation
an imbalance between those very important brain chemicals
People think that denying it makes it go away
It doesn’t.

If you think
That I need a reason
To be depressed
then you have another thing coming for you.
You cannot ignore this
You cannot wish this away

At times, the mere thought of facing a day is overwhelming.
The only reason to be sad is everything
because at times living is just an unending aching

we all have these days
for some it seems as though
we are trapped in this sort of perpetual non ending day
that chooses to repeat through the worst times
And forces us to remember the good times
as if it is taunting us
with the memories of when all was not wrong
and the virus just sits there
and laughs
and that maniacal laughter echoes through our memories
It begins to make them crumple
To turn somber and grey
Until there are only faded shadows
of once was
and could be’s
would be’s
and should be’s

so as the virus begins to infect the deepest caverns of your soul
and the highest peaks of your mind and your heart
Know that it will continue to spread like a cancer and tear you apart
It does not add to you.
It tears all hope away
it tears away tears and lives
And it tears away dreams

Some cases are so severe
That  the infected attempt to cut it out of them
Not their brains,
They don’t know where it is
No they cut everywhere else
Because the virus is destructive
Makes you question everything
because the pain of a blade
is so much less than the agony
Of feeling no pain
so they cut
Scrape
And burn
They are outcast and blamed
Chastised and shamed
All they wanted to do was to feel
To feel anything.

So for anyone that dares to have the audacity
to think that depression is just only a simple emotion
Or just a state of mind
you are
Wrong.
Depression is a war
A massacre
A rollercoaster of never ending ups and downs
depression is a mountain to climb
and a cliff to fall back down
and above all else depression is a virus
a vicious disease
That multiplies faster than doctors can come up with new meds
And there are so many meds
Because someone started the belief that this miniscule thing 
Would make everything okay
And make everyone alright
depression is a virus
an out of control plague
Come to make us all suffer
Until we draw our last breath.