Have you ever wondered why you were treated the way you are, feeling as though no one
really wanted to be around you let alone claim you as theirs. Well this is how I felt like I
belonged as a shadow I've always felt like I was the odd one out everything that I did never
surprised her or made her proud of me when my brother would come home from school or
call home and say he has a 3.5 GPA that made her the happiest parent in the world and I was
looked down as I could've done the same.
Our relationship was close before but as I got older and she started changing everything
drifted apart and nothing was the same. I pretend to be happy everyday just so I wouldn't
face conflict and fall into depression once more I never expressed how I felt to her or to
people around me I was so great at hiding it all they thought I was this perfect child when it
was just opposite.
As a little girl I would pray to my knees that I would be this young woman who had it all ,
wished that I would never face pain but now as I look back on it I was just wishing to just be
wishing for fun. Now that I'm 18 I'm still praying to my knees that the pain will disappear
temporarily because I'm just this shadowed that was never colored to perfection.
Everyday it's like I'm faking it till I make because at this point in my life I cry myself to sleep
at night wishing to be freed from this devastation that face and sometimes my tears are on
pause for a little longer since no one really knows my struggles. I try to start off my day with
positivity but once I try my day just falls to the worse, and it tears me down to the point
where I just wanna run away from everything and isolate myself
I would sometimes dream of me being on the beach , having the opportunity to hear the
waves ,listen to the Dolphins communicate to one another , maybe even watch the sunset go
down with no distractions but it's really just all a dream at this point. if you're just a shadow
that will forever follow and never painted perfect.