I told him I loved him and he laughed in my face
Did he take it as a joke or am I ugly
I've never heard of a joke so funny
I looked in the mirror that night
I remembered "Four eyes" and "Jaws"
I didn't ask for these glasses or these braces
In an attempt to make my smile beautiful, I didn't want to smile anymore
Before I knew it I was clawing at my own skin in class
As I began to think that every chuckle I heard was directed at me
Maybe if I was beautiful I wouldn't be sitting here alone
Unable to move because if I move they'll see me
I don't want them to see me, so I stay still
Shivering
It's cold
And I'm alone
Someone, hold me
I don't want to smell his alcohol tainted breath when he hugs me anymore
He cried and told me it was going to get better
He kissed me and it tasted like beer
Home now frightens me
I don't want to see the circles around her eyes when she struggles to smile anymore
Her voice
Withering like a rose coughing on cigarette smoke
She turned grey and her skin looks like it would melt away if I were to touch her
I'm scared
I'm scared of his almond eyes
Somniferous
Eden has enough to go around, my dear
At least give me a whole apple
Lucifer
He was beautiful
Lie to me again
Or else I'll have nothing to depend on
My life will be worthless
He leaves
My life is worthless
Dishonest
Pencil sharpeners and switchblades
It stings in the shower
It smells like something familiar
Something terrifying
Metaphors
They bleed his name
Q
Something sweet on the tip of my tongue
Something so bitter that it came up
Night after night
The scale
Numerical torture
Fearing my own existence and simultaneously fearing death itself
Existental depression
My eyes rotting inside of my own skull
I can no longer cherish my sense of sight
Touching the glass so I can smell that familiar scent again
The mirror
Broken
I can't see myself
My body
Fragile
Salty raindrops on my eyelashes
I smile because there's nothing else I can do
It comes back and it leaves
Circling
It's all the same
Why is it the same
I don't want it to be the same
Change
Change, they tell me
I want to
I want to be perfect
But how can I be perfect if no one will ever think that I am
Not completely
Pessimistic views on love
Torture
I screamed his name and he laughed
I remember when he cried and I didn't do a thing
I couldn't
Snakes
Poisonous tongues that slide through their sharpened teeth
Confidence
How do they have so much
I keep seeing the same crimson droplets
It doesn't hurt anymore yet I despise it all the same
So pitiful
I want them to pity me
Maybe then I'll mean something
Maybe then I'll cross someone's mind
Something other than death, I'm begging you
A phobia of mortality
They laugh at me when I cry
But little do they know that I have my own personal hell
It's in my head
It's very real
And it's very terrifying