when will she see

how she breaks my heart,

how she fractures my sanity

and does a number on my soul,

without ever meaning to?

will she ever notice

that my smile is fake?

or that there's a crack in my mind?

or that i'm breaking 

with no hope of repair?

i do wonder if she knows

that i spend every day

convinced that i like her 

more than she likes me.

or that i will spend forever

fearing that i am her second best.

could she know what i do for her?

could she know how tightly she's got me

wrapped around her little finger?

could she be using me?

could she be abusing me?

could she be hurting me intentionally?

she could be doing all of this and more

for i would let her do it.

but it could also be the monster

that is my subconcious,

setting a trap for me

again.

she knows my weakest spots.

she's got a map of my soul

to tell her where the cracks are,

to tell her where to make her fatal blow,

if she wants.

i have a map of her soul.

i know the places where she isn't strong.

i can find her Achilles heel.

i fear that while i would never us that power,

she would.

i am not afraid of the words

that will inevitably be spoken.

i am not afraid of the battle,

i am not afraid of the war.

i am not afraid of her. 

i am afraid of the aftermath.