The xanax floods my bones with liquid silver.
I float onto Chris’s bed in dazed anticipation.
All of my tough-girl remarks become meaningless,
as I watch him prepare the needle, god I hope it’s clean.
He says he ran out of numbing spray, he says, “let’s do a pain test.”
Chris lowered the inkless needle into my flesh.
I let out a small shriek about the length of the line he drew.
“I barely felt it,” “I’ll be fine,” I chanted.
If I keep lying to myself, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
The pen dragged across my skin,
carefully morphing lines into an outline.
Angela grabs my hand, while Brandon and Jack hover.
Suspense was hurting more than the needle,
then it hit me, the first blow wasn’t so bad.
Until each stab made it’s way to my ribs.
setting them on fire with every motion.
Mouth filling with cotton, biting on to the nearest pillow.
Chris puts out the fire with a glob of vaseline,
I take a deep breath, possibly my last, and I bite back down,
Within seconds I’m back in flames.
I was being ripped apart rib by rib, until the adrenaline came in and saved me.
Numb and then it was over.
I stood up, still shaky and stumbled to my reflection.
A yellowed and bloody mess of a fox looks back at me.
I smiled, it was beautiful.