I sit and cry
No one ever notices
I take a blade to my wrist
I feel helpless, useless
No one ever notices
Notices me hurting
I long for that feeling
Feeling important I guess that is

Day after day
The blood trickled down my hand
Onto my pale jeans
I had nowhere else to release the pain
My arms had let out their fair share
It was as if my arms had turned into a candle
Constantly dripping the burnt wax
My thighs had a maroon tint now
My hips
Were all I had left

Once
Just once
I took a chance
I texted a boy
I reached out
Without even knowing so
I wanted that feeling

I took that chance
One I’d never thought I’d take
Texting him daily
He made it seem like I mattered
Like I was worth something

I got yelled at for talking to him
I didn’t care
I knew they didn’t care
They just wanted control
Just like everyone else

He made me feel like…
Like…
Somebody…
For once
Just once
Once.

In my entire life
No one ever tried
When somebody did
I instinctively pushed myself away
Knowing that it was just a joke
No one really cared
Except me
Sometimes that was even fuzzy

I didn’t even have a chance
This time
A chance to push myself away
To save myself
From the “joke” everyone was trying to play
With me
My emotions
My heart

We hung out
We talked
He helped me through everything without even knowing
He did everything he could
Everything in his will
We were with each other constantly
10 times
11
12
I felt like an angel

The next time we hung out
He did something unexpected
He grabbed my hand
He grabbed MY hand
He held it like he meant it
He didn’t think twice
He didn’t second guess
Like everyone else
He just looked at me and smiled

It was like he cared
Not how everyone else “cared”
Honestly cared
He wasn’t expected to
He wanted to
It was like he understood

He didn’t think I was crazy
He wanted to help me
To help himself
To help us

He was everything I wanted in a guy
Someone I could rely on
Someone I could tell everything to
A best friend

We got closer
A lot closer
I brought him home
Introduced him to my parents
They despised him
I didn’t understand
He was so polite
So considerate
So... Understanding

We went on a walk
He looked at me and stopped
I stopped and looked at him
He looked at my lips
Then back at me
And gazed into my eyes
Like he was looking at someone beautiful

He grabbed my waist
Laid his head on my shoulder
I placed my hands over his shoulders
Interlocking my fingers
He held me so close
So tight

It was like he knew
Like he could read my mind
All I wanted was that
A hug
To be held
To be wanted
And it was like he just knew

He held me for a solid 30 seconds
Lifted his head
Kissed me
And whispered into my ear
“One day you will kiss someone
and you will know
that those are the lips
that you want to kiss for the rest of your life.”

I smiled, let a tear go, and nodded
Letting him know that I felt him
100%
Honestly, forever

Shortly after he had to go
I started my journey home
On my way there
It had hit me
My grandma had passed

I ran into my house
Into my room, slamming the door
I cut my wrists
Like there wasnt anything wrong with it
I went to my thighs
Bowing my head I thought
I just can’t
I dropped the blade
And began to cry

My light turned off soon after
I heard a voice say
“Turning the light off always helps me”
It was him
I thought I was in a dream
No one ever cared about what I was doing

He came up behind me
Cuddled me
Like no one ever has
This made me cry even more
Knowing that I finally meant something to someone
He grabbed my hand
Pulled down his sleeve
Wiped the blood off gently

He kissed it
It was like all of the pain suddenly vanished
It was like his kiss made everything better
“I still love you”
Was the only thing
That managed to escape his candy-like lips
I started sobbing
“We’ll get through this together”
He got up
And turned on the light

He pulled up his sleeve
He showed me his arm
Almost worse than mine…
“Trust me. I’m trying too. We got this”
Are the only words I recall

I stood up, crying
And walked into the kitchen
He came in
Grabbed me from behind
Leaning his head on my shoulder
He managed to get out
“Forever seems like a long time
But I wouldn’t mind
Spending it with you.”

To this day
I sit and cry
I pick up the blade
Put it to my wrist
Hesitate
Then throw it
Knowing that someone finally cares

Who knew that
“Hey…”
Would have an impact on my life
So incredibly?