(Message received on January 13 at 3:47 am)
“Hello? Are you awake? Of course you aren’t, what was I thinking?
I’ve been sitting here, drinking.
And the ceiling is nothing short of interesting.
When did you stop answering my calls?
Was it when you realized I was broken?
But here I still am, with these words; spoken.
And even though you haven’t awoken, I still called.
I am still taking my medication.
Remember when you asked me to keep taking them?
Well, I am. Because of you.
How pathetic, swallowing these anesthetics,
Sounds poetic, doesn’t it?
Though, I have to admit; all these poisons will never compare to the way you made me feel.
It almost seems unreal; the way you healed.
And now it’s been days since I’ve eaten a meal,
Gripping the steering wheel;
So hard my knuckles are white.
Believe me, I try to fight.
Then everything seems alright;
For awhile.
But before I know it;
I am hugging a bottle and inhaling away the days.
‘It’s a phase’
‘There are ways; to get better’ they say.
But I don’t believe them as much as I believe this vodka.
(Laughter)
Where does the time go?
I am starting to think it’s all a show.
You see, I can’t think straight anymore.
Which is probably why I thought it was a good idea to call.
(Laughter)
I shouldn’t have called.
I just can’t handle the pain.
It blocks all airways and courses through my veins.
And ends up as a stain;
on my sleeve.
Sometimes I think that I should just leave, ya know?
(Laughter, sniffles)
Would you miss me?
I like to believe that you would.
I try to do good; I really do.
You’d save me if you could, right?
(Laughter)
Who am I kidding? I really shouldn’t have called.
Hello?
I am sorry.
(Message Deleted)