please explain:
why I can't go to bed at night without thinking your name one last time and hoping,
no praying,
that you'll be with me at least a dream.

please explain:
why whenever our eyes meet I feel hopeful but the look your eyes give makes my heart shrink and shrivel,
and somehow I can't read what you're actually feeling.

please explain:
why my heart pinches every time I hear your voice
because damn it
I miss hearing it talking to me
and it feels like an eternity
when it's only been three weeks in reality.

please explain:
why you're so forgiving to other girls who hurt you
but you can't forgive me.

please explain:
why I'm the one who left a smudge on your reputation,
but you're not the one with a gaping hole through your heart in the spot where friendship lies.

please explain:
why you were the first guy I can say made me feel something,
yet when you look at me across the room
I know that I feel nothing.

please explain:
why the nothing I feel is actually a lot of everything and anything
because my whole head screams,
"desperate! desperate! desperate!"
but my heart shouts,
"fight for it! fight for it! fight for HIM!"
and for once in my life,
my mouth is saying nothing.

please explain:
why I'm writing this damn poem instead of talking to you.