It gets attached to you like a leash on a dog
you hate the cold metal feeling
you got from handcuffs
you feel shame and regret
you show no emotion
Across the table
a small angry cop with a ball cap
that reminded you of when you played
little league baseball, till you got hit
in the neck that one time. The officer asked
“why’d you do it” a simple answer
“it just made life easier” escapes your mouth
as four pairs of eager eyes stare you done
two officers
two parents
disappointment

The officer continues to convey
that your life isn’t hard
you aren’t in debt
you have no taxes, mortgages, or student loans.
to him they were keys to a happy life
the struggle not to reply
is that of changing bad

The car ride home is empty
through the familiar doorway
you should have never felt an hour ago
you sink into the chair, hiding.
You parents start expressing their agreement
with everything the cop assumed
After your whole life avoiding
burdening your parents with your feelings
you tell them everything
the pills, the hollow bullet,
and the dark thoughts
that corrode your mind