The urge to text him and see if he misses you is about as great as the urge to rip your skin open like old times and you wonder if being loved is worth the fight
or if it should even be a fight at all
because all you know is no replies and wounded goodbyes and when the air gets colder your insides crumble and he's usually the one to pick you up

how will you make it when his hands are full and he's nowhere to be found?

he always said he'd be there for you and that he'd never leave, but even his random messages are just a tease

he is not coming back and you're suppose to just understand 

your heart aches so badly that you're afraid it might literally shatter into a million pieces and you won't be able to pick them up but you don't even care if they're scattered across the floor because being alive doesn't seem worth it if no one notices your existence

and when your eyes are swollen from bending over in agonizing pain, sending tears to splatter onto the floor, you wish your spine would just snap in half
you've drowned yourself in alcohol but you're immune to its destruction

everything you know is all gone, and trust me he's never coming back no matter how many times you've prayed to God and wished on stars and even when you tell your empty ceiling in the middle of the night that you'd rather die than have to live through the pain anymore, things won't change and you'll be stuck in the dark no matter how many times you've tried to turn on the light