I wish I could define this term.

I wish I could save up my money and buy one.

I don't even know what I would do with one.

I never knew my father. It never knew me.

It seems unreal to me

Because I cannot see it. I cannot hear it. I cannot touch or feel it

Kind of like my spiritual father

But I've felt my spiritual father before.

I've spoken to him and he has answered me with his blessings.

He knows my heart and recognizes my existence

Unlike my father on Earth that is like oxygen

Invisible but the reason I'm breathing.

Only a figment of my imagination.

A black hole in my memories that should be in my photo albums.

I never had a father and I probably never will

Cuz 17 is too old to become "Daddy's Little Girl"

Even if I met it, it wouldn't be the same.

It wouldn't be my dad

Only a stranger with similar DNA.

I've tried to find my old man in those that were not mine to be.

Every attempt was another failure.

I tried to find my old man in my mother's failed relationships

One tried to kidnap her

One tried to kill her

The last one did but only on the inside