Grief/acceptance/fear/denial

these are all the things I feel.

I'm living with the notion

that I may never see you again.

No one knows when the kingdom gates

shall open,

no one knows what will happen if they do,

or what's behind them.

You can paint a portrait all you want

in your mind

of what you perceive 'heaven' as

but it will vary

person to person;

my question is:

are we just organic matter?

Just dust once we die?

Do we start off as flesh shaped from

the clay of the Earth

as they say

did God shape us in his hands

and then place us in the womb

of our mothers?

Did God create the first man?

Did our knowledge

throughout the duration

of our lifetime

become gleaned from everyday experience?

Or did we learn everything

as it is to be believed

from the word and mouth of our parents?

Once our bodies reach their limits,

succumbing to illness or even old age,

ground to fine sand-like ash,

or buried six feet under in a casket,

do our lives, our souls wander into

a different realm?

Or are we trapped in limbo forever?

Unable to find our way back

to where we Belong?

I would hope we exist- somewhere...

or is that merely wishful thinking?

Is that the comfort of my faith

moving me forward?

Or is it just possible

that I cling to the hope

you're still holding on

and dwelling in Heaven

because I can't let go?

Only I know the answer

to that.