I hate thinking about that one f***ing moment when you told me you didn’t love me anymore
because all I could concentrate on was the perfection lying in the curl of your ear
and the simple pale pink color dusting your lips
and then you shattered me with your words
and I couldn’t even remember my name let alone yours
and it was like all my life had been destroyed up until this moment
when you, the boy I was so madly in love with told me he no longer felt the same.
It felt like you took what was left of my heart and you squeezed it in your palm
until there was nothing left but a mess of blood-smeared tubes and tissue.
I remember trying to look you in the eyes just to get reassurance that I hadn’t heard correctly
but all I saw there was pity and you know what that made me angry
because for months all you had talked about was your intense feelings for me
and how you wanted to spend the rest of our lives together
and guess what I had believed you
despite being so young I loved you fiercely.
I remember you taking a deep breath and smoothing my hair behind my ear
before you whispered that there was someone else
and it was in that moment
that i felt all my bones shatter simultaneously and my heart sputter and die
because to think of you with someone else
was a pain so intense there was no word to describe it.
I remember opening and closing my mouth to no avail because I had lost all my words
the second that you admitted there was another girl
but in the back of my brain I wanted to know and I wanted to know now
if she loved you the way I did
even though I knew that wasn’t possible because I would have died for you
I would have given up everything for you
but apparently that wasn’t good enough because you found someone else
and tossed me to the curb like yesterday’s trash.
I hate thinking about that f***ing moment because it rips my heart to shreds all over again
and you know what I don’t deserve to feel the way you made me feel.
I hate thinking about that f***ing moment because it reminds me that I gave my heart to you
and you treated it like a big fat joke.
I hate thinking about that f***ing moment because every time I do I start to miss you like crazy and then I actually start to feel crazy and that’s certainly not healthy for me.
I hate thinking about that moment simply because it hurts too goddamn bad.